The Truth about Carly
by Hayden Lucas
Summary: Something has been gnawing at Carly Shay, and it will until she unburdens herself... but it isn't without consequences.
1. iCome Out

**iCome Out**

"And before we end tonight's show, there's something I think needs to be said." Carly stammered. She knew this needed to be done, but had been putting it off for months.

"My name's Carly Shay. I'm not only the host of _iCarly_, which is, I know, how you all see me, but I'm really just a regular person. Carly swallowed hard. This was more difficult than she ever imagined, regardless of how often it went through her head. She hadn't even told Sam and Freddie what she was going to say – only that she needed to do it live on the air.

"My name's Carly Shay," she paused, laboring over her next few words. "and I'm a lesbian." Carly looked directly into the camera, her dark chocolate eyes unwavering.

"I'm ready for my close-up now, Mister Benson." Carly choked and then finally spoke.

"To my father, Colonel…," Carly paused; her lip quivered slightly. She regained her composure and addressed the camera again. "Uncle Roger… all I can say to you is that I love you both dearly, but 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'." With that, Carly knew she had effectively obliterated any dreams her father may have harbored of her following in his footsteps.

"To my classmates and friends, if this changes your feelings for me in any way, I'm sorry, but this is who I am."

Carly took a labored deep breath before Sam came to her rescue.

"Random Dancing!"

"…and we're clear!" Freddie chimed in.

The speakers went dead and Carly collapsed into Sam, emotionally exhausted. As much as Sam cared for and respected Carly, she had never seen this coming. Now what could she do? She certainly couldn't tell Carly the truth – as much as her heart ached to do so.

"Carls, are you okay?"

Carly gingerly met Sam's gaze. Her eyes glistened with tears. Sam did the only thing in her power to control the situation.

"Benson! Out! NOW!"

Emotionally deflated, Freddie Benson turned and quietly left the studio without protest. He would live to fight another day.

Sam couldn't believe what had just happened. Everything she thought she knew was coming apart at the seams. She loved Carly – of course she did – but the girl had just outed herself live on the internet and her entire world was crumbling as a result. When it came down to a choice between Sam and Carly, Carly Shay would always come first.

She knew she had to speak, if only as a concerned friend. She needed to ask the hard questions. She needed to know.

"What you did tonight was completely insane, Carls, you know that, right?" Sam knew that tonight would irrevocably change their relationship – for better or worse. For once in her life, Sam Puckett needed to be the strong one.

"Carls, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I'm just going to talk right now…" Carly nodded. She wanted to talk – to tell Sam everything. She simply couldn't find the words.

"How long have you known?" Sam asked gently, absentmindedly stroking Carly's forehead. Carly Shay finally found the courage to speak.

"I don't know, I mean, I think I've always known. It's weird. I can't explain it." Carly nuzzled her head into Sam's shoulder. She knew that tonight would be one of those 'milestones' that would always stand out – one of those days she would always recall vividly. Her initial thought, she knew, was a lie. She knew that she could explain it and that Sam, Sam Puckett, _her Sam_ would understand.

"No, wait…"Carly backtracked. "That's a lie."

Sam shot Carly a confused look and let her continue.

"It's not weird and I can explain it," Carly began, only to have Sam interrupt her. Sam's own orientation was something of an open secret – never discussed, but clearly understood. Sam took Carly by the hand, led her to the race car bed that was the focal point of the _iCarly_ studio, and motioned for her to sit. Sam looked to her, urging her to continue.

"I've… I've tried to live the way everyone expected. I tried to be what everyone expected me to be, I just couldn't."

Sam brushed Carly's cheek again, her face sticky with tears. She exhaled, attempting to dry Carly's tears with her breath; she swallowed hard to find the courage to ask the question that had seared itself into her brain. This was the Point of No Return.

"Carls, do you have," Sam choked, "someone special in your life?"

Carly sniffed back tears. This was it, Sam thought. Ten years of friendship, up in smoke. Carly was hurt Sam would even ask.

"Sam!" she snapped, then reconsidered, responding in little more than a whisper. "There is…." she paused, considering how best to phrase her answer. "_someone"._ Carly swallowed, looking to Sam. Sam's heart sank, her ice blue eyes piercing Carly.

"There is someone," Carly continued, "I want to be with, but … it's _complicated_."

"Listen, Cupcake," Sam began, using her personal term of endearment, "I don't know what to tell you except that this chick had better not ever hurt you – if she likes breathing!"

Carly flushed, hugging Sam tightly. Through her tears, she managed a weak laugh. Her dark chocolate eyes, now red and swollen with tears, met Sam's piercing blues. She pulled Sam to her, her lips to Sam's ear, speaking in a heated, breathless, rush.

"You."

Sam's face went lax. It simply didn't register. She didn't understand. Carly spoke again, her breath hot in Sam's ear.

"You." Carly repeated. "Samantha Puckett, I've known and loved you nearly my entire life, even if I've never said it before. I mean, how could I? If you had rejected me, I'd have lost everything… her voice trailed off, her lip quivering. Somehow she found the strength to speak again. "…I've loved you past the point of dying…"

It was overkill and Carly Shay knew it, but, on the other hand, overkill or not, she had found the words she needed. Never mind that Melissa Etheridge had written them. Sam was dumbfounded. Reflexively, she broke from Carly and turned away, in what Carly knew must have been shame. Carly Shay burst into tears.

"Sam, no! Oh God, fuck, no! Sam please…."

The words came out in a heated rush. Carly stumbled across the floor, her legs now jelly. She needed to touch Sam, to hold her hand, anything… even just one last time. Without warning, Sam Puckett rounded on Carly, her ice blue eyes now shimmering with tears.

"Sam, I'm sorry…"

Sam's tone was sharp and biting.

"Sorry? You're _sorry_? Do you know how many years I've _dreamed_ you'd say those words to me?"

Sam did the first and only thing that popped into her head, acting on pure instinct. In one fluid movement, Sam Puckett dropped to her knees, her eyes now level with Carly's navel.

"Sam…?" she questioned.

Carly finally realized that Sam had taken off her ring. Sam looked deep into Carly's eyes, her own now glistening with tears. She swallowed, choking on emotion.

"Carlotta Taylor Shay," Sam began, invoking Carly's given name, "I have loved you… longed for you… since before I can remember. You are all I've ever wanted. Will you make me the happiest woman in Seattle?" Sam gingerly offered Carly her ring, fully prepared for rejection.

It did not come. Carly gently reached into Sam's cupped palms, letting her fingers explore Sam's, turning the rainbow ring – Sam's very flamboyant LGBT talisman – over in her hands. Without a word spoken between them, Carly took the ring from Sam and slipped it onto the ring finger of her left hand and giggled like a little girl.

"Sam, I…" Carly was at a loss for words.

"I know, Cupcake." Sam offered. "There's plenty of time for that."

It amazed them both that they always had this intuition between them. They knew.

Sam scrambled to her feet, exhausted. Her fingers found Carly's instinctively; both girls collapsing into each other fully dressed, letting sleep come.


	2. iLove

**iLove**

Carly awoke the next morning with the most intense headache she could remember, but despite that, she was contented. She was content to finally – after eighteen years – feel complete. She had spent her life to this point, without a full and complete heart.

As a child, this meant losing her father to a life in the military; her mother to cancer. She had Spencer, of course, and she adored him, but those early losses were something different entirely. This morning, however, was different. This morning, she had Sam. Carly had taken Sam to bed, such as it was, in the studio. It wasn't, in retrospect, probably her brightest decision, but she was thinking with her heart, rather than her head.

"Carls…" Sam's breath was hot against her neck. "…back to bed, Cupcake…"

Carly loved the feeling of Sam's heat against her. They seemed to fit together perfectly, like two halves of the same polished stone. She played with the ring on her finger absentmindedly; the ring that had been Sam's not twelve hours earlier. Ill-prepared to face the day, Carly collapsed back onto the mattress.

"Sam…" Carly cooed in her best little girl voice, "I hurt…."

It was equal parts statement and emotional blackmail and Carly knew it. She instantly hated herself for it as Sam's weight shifted against her.

"I uh ooh." She muttered, barely intelligible. Carly understood completely.

"I love you too."

Carly theorized that this must be what newlyweds experienced on their first morning together. She know that this – her and Sam – would not be easy, but she also knew that it was all she would ever need. Carly felt an odd tingling against her hip. It took a moment before she realized the sensation she felt was her PearPhone. She had a text message. Carly dug into her pocket, removed her phone, and tapped the screen.

**

* * *

**

_**NEW MESSAGE**_

_**FROM: Dad**_

_**Sent: 7:17 AM, PST**_

_Carly:_

_Saw your show. __Extremely__ disappointed in you. We __will__ talk about this._

_Col. Steven Shay_

_Sent by PearPhone_

* * *

Carly Shay's hands shook. Her father. She forwarded the message and began to sob.

"Carls? What's the matter?" Sam was instantly attentive – instantly _**there.**_Her rock.

"Mama's here, Cupcake…" She did her very best to sooth Carly's fears.

"My father!" Carly spat, the painful, acidic feeling churning in her stomach. She felt like she would be sick. "He saw the show. He's '_**disappointed in me**__' _and now _**Daddy wants to talk!**_" She spoke the last words with a fork-tongued viciousness Sam never knew was in her.

"Oh, Carls…" Sam held her close as she sobbed. "What are you going to do… about him?"

Carly did have an idea, but now wasn't the time for that. Right now, all she wanted was Sam. Carly craned her neck, seeking Sam out. Their eyes met; Sam's ice blue and bleary from a fitful night's sleep, Carly's red and swollen with tears.

"Carls, we don't need to do this… The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you. I…"

Carly interrupted.

"You're wrong, Sam. We _**do**_ need to do this. You are the only person in the entire world who I know could never hurt me. The fact is that we _**need**_ each other."

Sam knew every word to be true. She spoke gently into Carly's ear.

"You know you're my first, don't you, Cupcake?"

Carly inhaled sharply. She hadn't considered that.

"Saving yourself?" Carly giggled, finally allowing herself to relax. Sam chuckled.

"You see, there's this girl…" she began, playfully sweet. "She makes me go all _ooey-gooey_ inside…"

Carly giggled. She relaxed, allowing herself to sink deeper into Sam's protective embrace. She knew precisely what Sam was doing. Sam was allowing herself to be vulnerable; to be something other than the badass the rest of Seattle knew. Here – now – she could simply be "Carly's Sam", all Carly would ever need.

"So…" Carly cooed, "this girl… what's she like?" She was being just as coy and playful as Sam has been. She could picture where this might go, and it excited her.

Sam wasn't having it. She wanted this to be Carly's moment.

"You know, girly…basically everything I'm not."

Carly's nose crinkled. Only Sam could know how to lift her spirits in exactly the right way. That was, above all else, what she loved about Sam.

Without warning, Carly's world went fuzzy. Sam had pressed her mouth to Carly's neck, kissing her hungrily.

"Carls…" Sam whispered into the soft flesh of her neck. "I know it's a little late for this, but shouldn't we get out of these clothes?"

Carly could only moan in response. Sam coaxed Carly up, hooking her thumbs into her purple Cuttlefish t-shirt. Carly raised her arms above her head, making the process much easier. Sam had the shirt over Carly's head in a matter of seconds. She gaped at her beautiful brunette. Carly Shay had neglected to wear a bra.

"Oops!" Carly said with a grin.

It struck Sam immediately just how beautiful Carly Shay was – her own perfect porcelain doll.

"Sam…" Carly squeaked in a whispy little girl voice, tinged with the dreamy haze of sleep that had begun to overtake her once more. "I…"

Sam pressed a solitary finger to her lips.

"Shhh, Cupcake. Mama's here."

With the fluidity of a dancer, Sam Puckett slowly dipped Carly Shay, her naked shoulders gently grazing the mattress. Using her own body as a bandage, Sam lowered herself to Carly.

Carly Shay was intoxicated, her own sweetness of coconut intermingled with Sam's delicious, pungent musk. Her entire world went fuzzy as a feeling of indescribable warmth washed over her.

With Sam, Carly knew, all would be well.


	3. iDaydream

**iDaydream**

In the week since making her announcement for the entire world to hear, Carly Shay had become a woman possessed. Her world had turned inside out and upside down.

While her private life was in a tailspin, it seemed like business as usual for _iCarly_. Viewership had stayed essentially flat – no doubt her newfound gay fans were more than compensating for any fans she'd lost.

Carly wanted to do only one thing with each and every free moment. She wanted to spend every second she could with Sam.

The transition from a platonic relationship to a romantic one was effortless, or at least it seemed so to Carly. It would be more difficult for some people to come to terms with, she knew, but she couldn't let that bother her now.

She and Sam both had spent much of the past week talking to Spencer. He had found out online, along with the rest of the world. His response to this newfound information surprised even Carly.

"Hey Kiddo, who am I to judge? Besides, it is kind of obvious. Just know that I love you both, OK?"

God, did she love Spencer – sweet, goofy, wonderful Spencer. He had a lot of their mother in him.

Carly suppressed a sob.

"Mommy…"

She knew she couldn't dwell on that now. It had been eight years. She could fight off the sadness a little while longer. She pulled her PearPhone from the pocket of her hoodie and prepared to text Sam.

She couldn't bring herself to delete her father's text message from her phone for several reasons. First, it was a tangible reminder of all the reasons in the world that he'd given her over the years to hate him. It also reminded her of something she remembered him saying to her years earlier about terrorism: "_Not only does it have a 100% failure rate, but it almost always succeeds in strengthening whatever it's against"._ Most importantly, her father, the ever-obsessive military strategist, had inadvertently tipped his hand and had given Carly exactly what she needed. Giving her father's hate speech only a second glance, Carly got to work.

**TO: Sam**

_Hey Mama, Where R U? I'm cold and need U 2 keep me warm. You're my furnace._

_XOXO_

_~ CC_

She had taken to signing her text and emails 'CC' lately, since it was short for her nickname. She was now, and would always be, Sam's little Cupcake. Within thirty seconds, her phone was vibrating. It was Sam.

**NEW MESSAGE**

**FROM : Sam**

**Sent: 9:37 AM, PST**

_Fat Cakes. There soon. I luv U, Cupcake._

Typical, Carly thought. Sam was always thinking with her stomach.

She loved Sam so much that it hurt to be without her for very long, this past week especially. School was never really an uncomfortable place for _'Straight A'_ Carly Shay – except for that first day back. Granted, it wasn't all bad: Ridgeway's Gay-Straight Alliance had immediately sought her out.

"_You're among friends" _they said.

The rest of the day? Not so much.

She remembered that day vividly.

"_Carly Shay to Principal Franklin's office. Carly Shay…."_

_So much for Third Period_, she thought. She quietly excused herself while she felt nineteen pairs of eyes stabbing her.

"_Et tu, Ridgeway?"_ she thought. She hadn't yet reached the door to Franklin's office and she knew exactly what this was about. Sam. She open the door and was immediately in the eye of the storm – a full-on screaming match between Sam and Principal Franklin.

"I don't really give a good goddamn, Ted!"

Carly found new reasons, daily, it seemed, to love Sam. She had defended her honor so valiantly that day – so what if she broke some jock's nose in the process – for calling her… _THAT_. Sam was staring squarely at a five day suspension, until she reminded Franklin of something Carly herself had forgotten.

"We have hate crime laws here, Ted… if someone lays so much as a finger on Carls, _BELIEVE ME,_ we'll sue!"

"Miss… Miss… Puckett… Sam…." Principal Franklin tried to reason with her; to get a word in edgewise. Carly knew that if she didn't intervene, Sam might well talk herself into expulsion. She reached out and gently touched Sam's back.

"Sa…man… tha…" Carly spoke gently.

"Yes, Cupcake?"

Sam's voice broke Carly's absentminded daydream.

"I… I… uh…" Carly stammered.

"Love. Me. You love me, Carls."

Carly laughed.

"Of course I do. I don't feel like doing anything. Can we just chillax?"

Sam wrapped her into a suffocating bear hug.

"Anything you want, Cupcake."

"I'm scared, Sam…" her lip quivered.

Sam shot Carly a look. She wanted Carly at ease.

"Sam, you don't understand. My fath—…"

She rephrased.

"The colonel is not a nice man. He's cruel, Sam. He's trained in combat. If he wanted to, he could ki…"

Sam laid her finger across Carly's lips.

"Hush, Cupcake… None of that."

Sam pulled back, allowing Carly to speak.

"But…"

Sam interrupted her.

"Who am I, Carls?"

It sounded like an odd question, but Carly answered anyway, her voice timid.

"Sam."

"Whose Sam?"

"My Sam…" Carly said, suddenly flushed with embarrassment. She stared down at her toes.

"And you are?"

Carly knew exactly the answer that Sam wanted. She gave it to her, using her very best little girl voice.

"Sam's Cupcake…"

Sam stared deep into Carly's warm, inviting chocolate eyes. She spoke coldly, matter-of-factly.

"I will always protect you, Carls. You're too important. Now, Upsy Daisy, Cupcake…"

Sam slid her hand down Carly's back, over her butt, and behind her knees. Carly reflexively looped her

hands behind Sam's neck, allowing Sam to sweep her off her feet – like a bride on her wedding night.

They both knew they needed clear heads for what was to come.

The couple crossed the room in stride; Sam laying Carly down in the center of the bed. She didn't even bother with the blankets. She simply gathered them in her fist and pulled – destroying the crisply tucked sheets. She drew them close and laid down. Carly Shay was safe and sound, warmed by her own personal furnace.


	4. IConfront Colonel Shay

**iConfront Colonel Shay**

Carly stirred against Sam, after what seemed like an eternity. She stretched, catlike, and let out a weak yawn. Her lips met Sam's naked shoulder. She lay there, spooning Sam, completely content. She felt, for a moment, the safety and peace she had known only once before – as a small child.

The loss of a parent at any age is traumatic, but for Carly Shay, it was brutal.

From the age of ten, she had felt, as best as she could describe, like an orphan.

Strange though it was, laying here in her bed on the second floor of the loft – the studio above her, the main floor below – Carly could only equate the peace Sam brought her to those midday naps with her mother all those years ago, when she was small. Warm. Protected. At peace. She wrapped her arms around Sam's naked torso, hanging on for dear life.

"I love you." Carly whispered. Half awake, she shut her eyes again, knowing full well that this joy would be short-lived.

Sam moaned, lost in a dream.

"I love you, Sam. God, do I love you…"

Carly could hear desperation in her own voice, as if this were all a dream she was afraid might evaporate before her eyes.

"I love you, Sam…" Carly repeated.

Every time she said the words, she felt stronger.

"I love you. I love you. I love you…" she whispered. Her eyes still heavy with sleep, Carly let her face sink into the soft flesh of Sam's back. She would lie here forever, if she could.

"Cupcake…" Sam finally spoke, her mouth full of pillow. Carly flushed. She felt her heart race every time Sam called her that. She knew that she would need Sam today, more than any other day. If Sam could stand by her through this – walk with her through Hell and back – Carly knew they could face _anything – _together_._

"_Guess who's coming to dinner, Daddy…" _she thought.

Still oblivious to everything but Carly, Sam unconsciously fought her embrace and rolled over, now nose to nose with Carly.

Carly couldn't resist. She leaned in and gently kissed the tip of Sam's nose.

Sam stirred, her eyes fluttering.

"Morning, Cupcake.." Sam yawned.

"Hey, Mama." Carly spoke with a lilt in her voice, hinting at lust. "Sleep well?

Sam yawned. Carly took that as a 'yes'. She had the weight of the world on her back today, and she knew that without her knight in shining penny tee, the pressure would surely snap her spine.

"Sam, look…" Carly began. "About today… it's okay if you don't…"

Sam cut her off.

"Carls, I told you, I'm down."

Carly knew what Sam had told her, but Sam had never seen Colonel Steven Shay out of uniform – behind closed doors. Carly's father was a great many things to any number of people. To his colleagues, he was a decorated officer, someone to trust with their lives. To Carly, however, he was the alcoholic. The screamer. The breaker of all things fragile and precious – including her own mother.

"Sam," Carly continued, "I'm…I'm…I'm just terrified of him. He's dangerous, and I know it's going to come down to him versus me… I don't know what to do."

Carly sobbed. Sam shushed her.

"Carls, I know it's huge, and I know you're afraid, but you have me, and besides, that man has no right to say anything to us. It doesn't matter what happens today. I'll be right here."

Carly knew Sam was right, of course. Over the last several years, Steven Shay had become much less of a parent and more of an absentee landlord. Truly, he may have been responsible for her being born, but, as far as Carly was concerned, he wasn't her family; that was a sphere consisting primarily of Spencer, Freddie, and Sam – especially her Sam.

Carly sat up, separating herself for Sam for the first time in hours. She didn't want to, but her father would be here in just over an hour. She knew that she and Sam had to look presentable, and wrinkled penny tees and slept-in skinny jeans weren't going to cut it.

"_Perception is power."_ She thought.

She leaned in, gave Sam a quick peck on the cheek, got to her feet, and made her way towards her bathroom.

_**A SHORT TIME LATER…**_

Carly gave herself the once-over in the full length mirror. She certainly didn't feel like a teenage girl. Dressed in her chunky heels, skinny black jeans, a black top, and a sweater, she felt like she was going to a funeral… or a job interview, she didn't know which. Sam was squeezing herself into a pair of Carly's khakis and had borrowed Carly's best navy blue blouse. If Carly didn't know better, she would have mistaken Sam for Melanie. This was out of character for Sam, but she looked amazing.

"_Ready or not,"_ Carly thought, "_here we come…"_

Her makeover complete, Sam took Carly's hand and they descended the stairs together, ready to face their fears, come what may.

The moment she descended the final stair and entered the living room, an enormous weight was lifted from Carly's heart. He came. He did love her.

"What's up, Buttercup? Come 'ere and give me a hug," the man said warmly. "I love you."

Carly buried her face in the man's shoulder and exhaled deeply. He looked to Sam and greeted her as warmly as he could.

"Samantha…" He wasn't sure if she remembered him from all those years ago, but that wasn't relevant now.

"Uncle Roger… you came… Thank you." Carly said, meekly.

Roger Morgan, her parent's oldest friend and Carly's godfather, held her tight.

"Of course I did. You needed me, so here I am."

"But, what about the Colonel?" Carly's voice trailed off.

Roger Morgan simply lowered his face to Carly's forehead and kissed her. He walked her to the sofa and sat beside her, with Sam seated on Carly's opposite side. In midst of the tender moments, neither Carly nor Sam had noticed Spencer, who sat next to Sam on the far end of the sofa – and he was wearing a brand new suit.

Without so much as a moment's warning, the tumblers in the door lock began to click into place and the knob turned.

Colonel Steven Shay had arrived. Without so much as a word, the six foot two Air Force officer, dressed in full uniform, stepped inside, his eyes locked on his youngest child, seated on his sofa.

Colonel Shay surveyed the room. Carly knew exactly what he was doing. Threat Assessment.

"OH, WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS?" He glared at his daughter. This was an ambush. Spencer. Roger Morgan. _That Girl._

"It's exactly what it looks like, Colonel. Everything you taught me growing up." Carly snapped, sickly sweet, her tone mocking the very order he had so ruthlessly imposed on his children those many years ago. "You taught me to analyze my opponent; learn their vulnerabilities. Well, _Daddy_, you taught me well."

"So you honestly expect me to sit here – in my own home – and listen to you, your brother, and…. _Her_… and accept what you've done with your life?" Colonel Shay asked. His tone was making Sam sick. "If your mother were here…"

Carly cut him short.

"HOW DARE YOU! If my mother were here, she'd do what you're incapable of, you sad, pathetic bastard… She would love her child!"

"Why, you ungrateful little bit—..." Colonel Shay drew his hand back, ready to strike his daughter for her insolence. Immediately, Steven Shay regretted it. He was now staring down the man he considered his oldest friend – fellow Air Force officer Roger Morgan, complete in full dress uniform.

"Lay a hand on my goddaughter, Steven, and SO HELP ME GOD…."

"Roger, this doesn't concern you! You know as well as I do that if Maureen were alive…"

"Maureen was a good woman, Steven, if you don't remember. She adored her children. It also seems to me that you forget just how much your daughter and Maureen have in common… She looks like her, sounds like her, and, frankly, Colonel, they share the same capacity for unconditional love." Roger Morgan felt his pulse quicken, but he kept his tone measured and cold. "Perhaps if you had spent a bit more time tending to your family, rather than drinking yourself into a haze, you'd know that."

Steven Shay couldn't stand it one more second. This was completely unacceptable. He was losing control. There must always be order.

He raised his hand to Carly for a second time. She would learn some respect!

There was a sickening crunching sound and before anyone realized what had happened, Colonel Steven Shay lay on the floor of the loft, writhing in pain. His arm had been broken in two places.

"I warned you, Steven. You will not harm one hair on my precious goddaughter's head!" Roger Morgan looked down at his former friend, dejected. "It's become painfully clear to me, Colonel, that you are certainly not the man I thought you were."

No one made a move to offer Carly's father the slightest measure of comfort.

Carly knew she needed to say something.

"Uncle Roger," her voice quavered. "You didn't have to…"

"But I did, Buttercup. The day you were born, I promised your mother that I would always protect you. I just never imagined that Steven would be the one I was protecting you from, and for that, I'm sorry."

"About all of this… about Sam and I…" she began "I know it must be difficult for you, but …"

Morgan interrupted her.

"Carly, my feelings are immaterial. You're old enough to decide for yourself. If she makes you happy, then that is all that matters, as far as I am concerned."

This was certainly not what Carly had envisioned, but she couldn't love her Uncle Roger any more than she did at this very moment. She knew he may not fully understand or approve of her relationship with Sam, but it was apparent that he loved her. She turned to Sam. Nothing needed to be said. Excuses were whispered.

Trailing behind Carly at a deliberately slow pace, Sam Puckett delivered a well placed kick to Steven Shay's ribs.

"Bastard," she hissed.

Finding Carly's waiting hand instinctually, they quietly exited the apartment.

Whatever happened next, they didn't need to be a part of it.


	5. iHave a Girls Day

**iHave a Girls Day**

Carly awoke the next morning, Sam unconsciously curling her hair in her fingers. She drew Sam close, pressing her nearly bare chest into Sam's back. She knew, despite all the darkness and vitriol they would undoubtedly face, that each and every day forward needed to begin just like this.

Try as she might to forget, the events of the previous day flashed back to her. They had left Bushwell in a rush, with no real plan of action once they hit the door. Taking Sam's advice, they had stopped to split a large Hawaiian pizza. It seemed like a natural choice – pineapple was sweet and Canadian Bacon because, well, Sam loves ham. They had spent the rest of the night wandering Seattle aimlessly, stopping only occasionally to assure Spencer – via text message – that they were safe and to leave the door unlocked. They would be home late.

The scream of Carly's alarm clock caused the fog of sleep to lift as both girls bolted upright in bed. It was 7:15 AM.

"Carls…" Sam whined. "Make it stop…"

"Rise and shine, Ham Lover, you've got Saturday detention this morning, remember?" Carly said with a laugh.

Sam most certainly remembered. Of all the detentions in her life, this one – above all – was worth it. Say what you would about her. She was Sam Puckett. She could take it. Call her Cupcake a dyke? Then it was time to die. She hadn't thought twice about throwing the elbow that snapped Scott Schroeder's nose. He had it coming – that and more. She needed to be there in an hour, so, as much as she hated to, she needed to get going. She kissed Carly's cheek, got to her feet, and made her way towards the bathroom.

"Brush your teeth! You smell like bacon!" Carly teased, watching Sam's boxer-clad backside as she sauntered towards the door. Carly heard the shower run, but before she could allow herself to collapse back into her pillows, she heard a familiar ping.

An email had just been forwarded to her phone. She reached for it on her bedside table and tapped the screen. Her heart sang when she saw the sender and the subject line.

FROM: Melanie Puckett SUBJ: COMING HOME

She clicked to open the message.

**

* * *

**

FROM: Melanie Puckett [mythicalMel pearmail . com]

**TO: Carly Shay [carly icarly . com]**

**SUBJECT: Coming Home….**

_Carly!_

_I saw your show last week, and all I can tell you is that you were incredibly brave. I'm proud of you._

_I just moved back to Seattle, thanks to having the GPA I needed to graduate a semester early. It will be great to spend time with you, Sam, and __especially__ Freddie again. I'm free pretty much anytime now. What do you say to a day out on the town, just us girls?_

_Call me!_

_~Mel_

* * *

Carly was giddy and petrified simultaneously at the prospect of a day with Melanie. Granted, they had known each other since childhood, but everything had changed now. People, of course, would naturally assume that Melanie was Sam, and since Melanie couldn't possibly know the details of the shift in her relationship with Sam, it could be … uncomfortable. Regardless, the need for some time to herself, for all intents and purposes, caused her to text Melanie.

**TO:****Melanie Puckett**

_Mel, it'd be great to see you. Sam has detention. My place 9:00? - Carly_

Her phone began to chirp moments later.

**

* * *

**

NEW MESSAGE

**FROM: Melanie Puckett**

**Sent: 7:48 AM, PST**

__

Carly, it's a date. See you soon. ~ Mel

* * *

Carly glanced at the time.

"SAM! You're going to be late!"

As if on cue, Sam emerged from Carly's bathroom, rumpled, but clearly clean and fully dressed.

"Yes, Dear…" she quipped sarcastically.

Carly's heart skipped a beat. That was a first.

Against her better judgment, Carly stood firm.

"Sam, you've got to go. You'll be late!"

Sam didn't protest, but simply craned her head to Carly's, kissing her forcefully, but briefly, on the mouth.

"Love you, Cupcake… Gotta go!"

"Later, Bacon Babe!" Carly said with a smirk.

Sam Puckett bolted out the door and down the stairs, an uncharacteristic bounce in her step, as Carly Shay made it to her feet and plodded barefoot across the room, to the already steamy bathroom.

**A short while later…**

Carly was into her third episode of _Girly Cow_ when the buzzer went off. She got up to answer it, crossing the floor in stride. She hit the button without a second thought.

"Yeah…"

"Carly, it's Melanie…"

"C'mon up!"

A moment later, the elevator opened into the Shay living room, and out stepped Melanie Puckett. Sam's twin greeted Carly with great enthusiasm.

"Carly! It's so good to be back!"

"Hey Melanie! It's good to see you. I was surprised to hear from you, really. I didn't realize that you were graduating early."

The pause was slightly awkward, but Carly couldn't think of what else to say, without bringing up the fairly prickly topic of her girlfriend, who also happened to be Melanie's twin sister.

"I know! I didn't expect it either, but when grades came out, I realized I could graduate a semester early, so I decided to do it and come home. I've missed you all so much, It's just so good to be back."

Carly couldn't immediately come by a witty or charming reply, so she just smiled.

"You know, I wanted to tell you," Melanie began, "that I was so proud of you for having the courage to do what you did on the show last week. It was really amazing."

Carly had no idea what to say. It was then that Melanie noticed Carly's left ring finger.

"Nice ring. When Sam told me, I gave her one just like…" She stopped cold. "Wait… is that?... Oh. My. God… Are you and Sam? Are you guys a couple?"

Carly, a horrible liar, flushed an awkward shade of magenta.

"Carly!" Melanie squealed. Carly thought she would die on the spot.

"Mel, look… If it's a problem, I'm sorry…"

"_Problem? _I _so_ should have seen it coming. I mean… well, nevermind. I'm happy for you and I promise I won't say another word about it, but I just…"

Melanie pulled Carly into an overly enthusiastic hug.

"Oh….kay…." Carly said awkwardly. "Shopping?"

"Shopping." Melanie agreed, as she turned and headed back to the elevator, Carly in tow.

Before entering the elevator, Carly whipped out her phone, sneaking a text to Sam.

**

* * *

**

TO: Sam

_Melanie back in town. Gone shopping. Back soon. Luv U. ~ CC_

_**

* * *

**_

Three Hours Later…

When the elevator yawned open again, each girl stepped out, burdened by armfuls of shopping bags. The most obvious of these belonged to Carly and bore a highly distinctive **BAB,** Build-a-Bra**. **Sam's initial instinct, anger, subsided immediately.

"Hey…"

Melanie sensed her sister's tension, and jumped in to deflect it.

"Hey, Sis…" Melanie sang, wrapping her arms around Sam's neck from behind.

"_Why does she have to be so goddamn perky all of the time?"_ Sam asked herself. Maybe there was no answer.

"So, did you have a good day with Me Two Point Oh?" Sam took a swipe at both Carly and Melanie in the same breath.

Carly's lip quivered. Sam knew she needed to backpedal.

"Kidding, Carls… I was kidding…"

Carly chose to believe her. She spoke cautiously, afraid to be hurt.

"I… I didn't realize we'd be gone so long. I'm sorry."

Sam didn't want a fight. She loved Carly too much. The truth was that she loved Melanie, of course, but she had never been good with the emotional stuff, except around Carly. She got up, walked over to her twin sister, and threw her into an honest-to-goodness hug for the first time in a long time.

"Glad to have you home, Mel, really. I take it you and Carly had 'The Talk'?..." she asked, euphemistically asking whether her sister knew the whole truth.

"We talked. I'm very happy for you both, I truly am." She squeezed Sam tight, as if to say _'It's okay, really, you can trust me' _before breaking her sister's heartfelt embrace.

"I have to take Mom to her appointment, so I'd really better get going. Carly, can I leave my things here and pick them up tomorrow, maybe?"

Melanie flashed a knowing smile to Carly, like some joke only the two of them knew the punch line to.

"Sure, Mel. Just come get them whenever."

She crossed the floor, stopping at the front door before turning to face Carly and Sam again.

"I'll call you tomorrow… Maybe we can double-date sometime?"

Sam knew she meant with Freddie, but she ignored it.

"Sure." Carly and Sam said in unison.

Sam Puckett knew there was nothing to fear from her twin sister, but a lifetime of being a Puckett taught her never to take anything at face value.

Except for Carly Shay. She knew being even the slightest bit annoyed about Carly spending time away from her was ridiculous.

As Carly rounded the sofa and took her place at Sam's side, she knew the ice would thaw and she would have her Sam back before the end of the next episode of _Girly Cow._

Carly could hardly wait until tomorrow night. Sam had seen nothing yet.


	6. iPlan Date Night

**iPlan Date Night **

Carly's eyes fluttered in the harsh light of morning. She was exhausted, yet she wouldn't have it any other way. She yawned, inhaling the familiar aroma that, daily, threatened to stop her heart – a rugged scent that smelled oddly of cocoa butter and burnt bacon. Sam's smell.

Carly breathed deeply, allowing Sam Puckett to fill her up, a warm mass radiating from her chest down to her toes. She had tossed and turned all night – conflicted over having to lie to Sam, though, under the circumstances, she felt justified.

Sam fidgeted in her sleep, kicking at the covers until her bare leg was visible.

Carly bit her lip.

Sam stirred, yawning loudly.

"_SO not ladylike…" _Carly thought. She loved Sam just the same.

"Carls?" Sam croaked, her voice hoarse with sleep.

Carly touched her naked back. She could feel Sam instantly relax.

"Morning, Sam," Carly said, barely above a whisper. "You okay?" Carly knew Sam had been having a nightmare – The Nightmare, most likely.

"Melanie… Soup Monster…" Sam jabbered, incoherent.

It took all of Carly's resolve not to laugh. Sam was being nonsensical, Carly knew, but if Sam was uncomfortable, it was her job to make Sam's nightmares go away.

"Sam," she cooed, "Melanie is _not_ the Soup Monster… Melanie doesn't even like that kind of soup." Carly giggled, realizing how silly she sounded, but she didn't care.

"Now," she paused, "Time to get up, Sleepyhead!"

Carly abruptly yanked the bed covers away, exposing both of their partially nude bodies to the cool morning air.

"Dammit, Shay!" Sam cursed, but it was all for naught. She was all bark and no bite.

"You know you love me…" Carly chirped, playfully. Sam let out a weak mock growl in protest. Why she'd ever agreed to this escaped her. Carly slithered out of bed, scrambled to her feet, and headed for the bathroom, purposely avoiding Sam.

"Cupcake?" Sam sounded crestfallen.

"Just a minute… Gotta go!" Carly burst into a sprint, the door slamming behind her.

Sam sat on Carly's bed, visibly shaken. She knew that she had screwed things up yesterday. She should never have shown her jealousy, her petty insecurities. What could Carly think? She obviously wanted to get rid of Sam… either that, or she simply had to pee.

"So goddamn stupid, Puckett…" Sam cursed herself. She knew she had promised Spencer she'd help him with his exhibit at the new _Atlantis_ gallery tonight across town in exchange for community service hours going towards her last stretch in juvie. It was a win-win. Helping Spencer was helping Carly and Community Service was helping Sam. It was all good. She nudged the heavy shopping bag with her bare foot.

"Damn dress code…" she grumbled. "Carls! You alive in there?" she joked.

The toilet flushed in response.

Carly finally reappeared, now clad in a dark blue bathrobe. She crossed the room and wrapped Sam into an embrace.

"Good Morning!" she said cheerfully. A grin broke across Sam's face. She had never been happier to be wrong.

"Morning, Cupcake," Sam said, relieved. "Do I really have to wear this get-up today?"

Carly felt like she was negotiating with a five year old, yet she loved it.

"Yes, Sam, you have to. They have a dress code, and this is such a big deal for Spencer…"

"Then how come you're not going?" Sam asked. She regretted it immediately.

For the first time in her life, Carly Shay delivered a convincing lie on the fly.

"I've got college applications to write, and Spencer said it'd probably be pretty boring anyhow, nothing but rich people and fancy food".

The word _'food'_ sold it. Carly leaned forward and kissed Sam – more forcefully than usual – as if to atone for past sins.

"I love you, Sam. I'm so sorry about yesterday."

"Carls, stop…" Sam replied, breathlessly. "I overreacted, that's all."

Carly Shay couldn't help but smile. Sam Puckett was putty in her hands.

Sam broke their embrace, picked up the bag, and headed for the bathroom, clad only in a black sports bra and slightly oversized boxers. Carly couldn't help herself. She playfully slapped Sam on the backside as she passed.

This was going to be fun.

_**HOURS LATER…**_

It had all fallen into place seamlessly. Carly Shay was proud of herself. Nevermind the fact that she'd had a little help.

The buzzer went off. She moved off the couch and hit the intercom.

"Yeah…"

"Coming up!"

The voice was soft and familiar.

"_You're early…"_ Carly thought.

Moments later, the elevator yawned and Melanie Puckett stepped into Carly's living room, arms loaded down with plastic shopping bags.

"Knock, knock! I come bearing gifts!" Melanie said, dramatically. Carly laughed.

"You're a lifesaver, Mel, really. Thanks a million."

"Of course, now run along, Cinderella, let your Fairy Godmother handle this…"

Carly chuckled.

"Actually, head up to my room. I'll be up in a minute. I have to fix things down here first."

Melanie shot Carly a smile and bounded up the stairs, headed for the second floor.

When she was sure Melanie had passed out of earshot, Carly chuckled to herself and flicked the light switch, casting the first floor into darkness. As she prepared to head upstairs, her phone chirped.

* * *

**NEW MESSAGE**

**FROM: Sam**

**Sent: 7:58 PM, PST**

_Leaving soon. Spencer has to stay, but told me to cab it home. Half hour, tops. XOXO – Mama_

* * *

"Crap! Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!"

Carly broke into a sprint, taking the stairs, even in the dark, two at a time. Reaching the second floor, she burst through her bedroom door, rushed past Melanie, and through the open bathroom door, talking at Melanie, rather than to her, the whole way.

"Sam…cab…half hour…gotta hurry…go… Thanks." The words came out in a heated rush.

Melanie chuckled.

"Go get pretty. I can see myself out."

Carly swung the bathroom door shut and set to work. It was time to become the belle of the ball.

She stripped down completely, abandoning the sweats she had worn since Sam had left this morning. She was thankful she had stashed her clothes for tonight in the back of her closet, where she knew Sam would never look.

After tending to the basics and touching up her hair and makeup, it was time for the main event – a red cocktail dress she'd been saving for the right occasion. She slipped it on, zipped it up, completed the look with the new chunky heels she'd found yesterday.

"_Just about perfect."_ she thought, appraising herself in the mirror. Satisfied, she turned the knob, preparing to wait for Sam to come looking for her.

She barely recognized her bedroom. Melanie had outdone herself tending to the small details.

Carly had made sure she had the major details taken care of early: small table, chairs, dishes, and music. The rest was improvisation. Melanie had set the table and expertly arranged the B.F. Wang's takeout that Carly had requested – Sweet and Sour Chicken for Carly, Beef Kung Pao for Sam – on two plates with silverware and drinks. Carly double checked her PearPod. It was set. All that was left to do now was wait.

The elevator yawned and deposited a very overdressed Sam Puckett into a dark living room.

"Carls? Carls! Carly!" she called. No answer. She began to get concerned. She mounted the stairs and called out again.

"Carls!"

Reaching the landing, Sam could see the door to Carly's room was wide open. She stood in the doorway in utter amazement when she heard Carly's voice.

"Hey, Stranger…" It was a tone Carly has never taken with her before – but it was exciting.

Sam, business formal in black slacks, white men's shirt, and black necktie – the fare for today's art opening – was stunned by the sight of her Cupcake, red cocktail dress and all, just waiting for her near her bed.

Then the music started.

"…_But the change didn't come overnight…"_

"…_I've been searching for you all my life…"_

"…_all the habits that I couldn't handle…"_

"…_I've swept them under the rug…"_

"…_In exchange for the sweetest addiction…"_

"…_You…"_

"…_My Elusive Drug…"_

"Sam, this is all for you. Dance with me?"

Sam didn't need to be asked twice. She swept Carly into her arms, holding her as close as she'd wanted to for years. As much as she wanted to speak, with everything she wanted to say at this exact moment, words failed her.

"I hope you're not mad at me. We've always said 'No Secrets'."

The look on Sam's face clearly put that matter to rest. There would be no need for apologies tonight.

The song ended, and the room began to spin.

"_Sam smells SO good… What IS that smell?...I think she's wearing men's cologne…" _The voice in Carly's head was going a mile a minute.

"Carls, this was _totally _unnecessary… but thank you. A thousand times, thank you._"_

Carly was lost in the ocean of Sam's eyes and was unaware of anything until she began to feel cold. It was only then that she realized that her dress had hit the floor.

"I love you, Cupcake…"

"Sam…" Carly paused.

"Relax, Carls…. and trust me."


	7. iGive In

**iGive in**

Trust was not the issue. Carly did trust Sam – with everything. She trusted Sam with her life –with the heart now thundering in her chest, with the secrets she would tell her in due course, with all that she was… but this had to be on her own terms.

Carly broke their embrace, pushing Sam away gently. She needed her to understand that this wasn't over – just that the game was to be played out using Carly's rules. She kissed her one last time for good measure, sucking slightly on Sam's lower lip.

"You don't eat dessert before dinner, do you?" she said with a sly grin. Carly's eyes had glazed over, completely lost in the moment. It was a calculated gamble. She knew Sam had eaten entire meals worth of Fat Cakes God-knew-how-many times. She bent down and scooped her dress from the floor. She slipped it over her head, unconcerned that it was wide open down her back.

Sam knew that she had come on too strong. She let Carly lead her by the hand to the table, with its rapidly cooling takeout. They sat.

"Carls, I…" Sam stammered, seeking an appropriate apology.

"Hush. You were excited, that's all…" she said, excusing Sam's inate instincts.

Carly always wanted to see the best in people. Sam knew that. She raised her bottle of root beer, toasting her Cupcake.

"Carls, this is…wow…How did you…?"

"Had a little help," she chuckled. "Now, _EAT_!"

Sam Puckett was ravenous. Carly laughed, watching her mighty hunter, stalking strips of beef, forking them to an unnecessary death.

" ' Tsgoo…" Sam spoke, her mouth full of Kung Pao. Carly chuckled.

"I love you, Sam… but you're so damn butch!"

From anyone else, such a comment would elicit violence, but from her precious Cupcake, Sam's response was more of the trademark Puckett smart mouth.

"Bite me."

Carly's eyes widened.

"Oooh, you promise?" She teased.

They both smiled. This was the part of Carly that Sam was beginning to truly love – the part she was just now getting to experience for the first time. Sam loved the naughty, sassy, devil-may-care part of Carly that was just now coming out to play. In a very strange way, Sam Puckett was falling in love with _herself._

"Chicken?" Carly offered, extending her fork, a cube of chicken breast speared on the end, to Sam.

Sam felt her breath hitch in her chest. She had suddenly come down with a case of the jitters, at least internally. This was by far, the closest thing to legitimate intimacy that she had ever experienced. She was being fed. Fed by Carly Shay. She leaned in, careful to avoid her plate, as Carly gracefully placed her fork into Sam's mouth.

Sam smiled as she chewed. This was amazing. She was having a romantic dinner for two with the one person who mattered to her in the whole world. What had she ever done to deserve this?

Carly surveyed her better half. There was so much she wanted to say.

"Sam, you look… you look so…very…" Sam cut her off, positive she knew what Carly would say next.

"It's okay, Carls. I won't be offended if you say I look handsome."

She giggled. Sam knew her better than anyone.

"I was afraid that if I said that, that you'd think that I … because…" her voice trailed off. She couldn't bring herself to articulate it.

"Come on, Carls… I won't be offended if you say I look handsome. In fact, if you like it, it's one of those things that I need to know, because, well, it's all about you and me, Kid."

Carly flushed pink. Her fork fell to her plate with a clatter. She stared into her lap, then looked up, returning Sam's gaze.

"Sam… I love the way you look. I love everything about you. You're beautiful, handsome, you're… I don't know… I just…"

In a fit of impulsivity, Carly pushed her chair back dramatically. She so badly wanted dinner to be over.

Sam decided she was no longer hungry. Carly Shay was suddenly far more interesting than food. Her fork fell to her plate, landing in beef gravy with a subdued splat. She pushed herself back from the table and ran to Carly, who was now at the foot of the bed.

"Sam, I just… the words are in my head, but they just won't come out."

Sam Puckett took the opportunity and kissed Carly Shay fully on the mouth.

"Mmmm…. Tastes like chicken."

Carly laughed.

"Carls, whatever I'm wearing, it doesn't matter. I'm still me." She brushed a strand of hair from Carly's face. "Besides, I've always worn the pants in this relationship anyway…"

For what seemed like the millionth time in the past hour, Carly Shay stifled a laugh. Did love always feel this wonderful?

She gazed into the abyss of Sam's ice blue eyes, knowing she was home. She kissed her sweetly on the mouth.

"So… How was dinner, Sweetheart?"

"Don't change the subject, Shay."

Defiant, Carly Shay stuck her tongue out, as though she was five years old again.

"Don't tempt me, Little Girl…" a mock arrogance in Sam's voice.

"Oh no, big, bad Sam Puckett says Carly's a _tease_…"

Carly's voice was sing-song. She knew exactly what she was doing. She _had_ been scared earlier, afraid of what it meant if she liked this masculine side of Sam. Now, it was nothing more than a means to an end.

Sam shot her a look. Her blue eyes locked on Carly's.

Carly raised one eyebrow, daring Sam.

Sam kissed Carly hungrily, letting her teeth graze the soft flesh of her neck. Electricity lit the base of Carly's spine.

Carly's breath hitched in her throat, deflating back into her lungs. Defeated, Carly Shay allowed herself to fall backwards onto the bed.


	8. iAm Sam's

**iAm Sam's**

Carly stared up at her ceiling – and the deepest, most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen.

"Are you ready for this?" Sam asked, genuinely concerned. This _was_ her Cupcake, after all. Her precious Carly Shay.

Sam brushed a curl from Carly's cheek tenderly. She wanted everything to be absolutely perfect. For Carly Shay, Sam wanted the planets to align, the moon to blot out the sun, and lions to lay down with lambs. She was Carly Shay. She deserved this.

"Sam?"

"Yes, Cupcake?"

"Shut up."

Sam was nervous – Carly knew that, of course. They were in uncharted waters, flailing blindly, but they both needed this. Carly Shay was tired of living for the masses. Tonight, only Sam Puckett mattered.

"Carls… I… I…" Sam was flustered.

"_Here! Let me make it easy for you!" _Carly thought. She grabbed Sam's neck forcefully and drew her close, kissing her deeply. Sam responded in kind. Her fingers fumbled with Carly's bra, one she hadn't seen before. It was proving more difficult than Sam could have ever anticipated.

"Work faster, Puckett! I'm dyin' here…"

"Shut it, Shay!"

"Sam…" Carly whined, desperation creeping into her voice. "Please?"

Finally, after what seemed to Carly like an eternity, her new designer bra had fallen away, leaving her completely exposed. She was completely vulnerable. Completely at the mercy of Samantha Puckett. The couple locked eyes once again.

Carly finally saw what she wanted to see. Finally, after a little bit of prodding, she saw the spark in those beautiful, deep, baby blues. She had seen her _'Samness'_ – Everything Carly loved. Everything Sam kept hidden. At the same time, she felt a sharp pain, yet she loved it. Sam Puckett's teeth were digging into her neck.

"Oh my God, Sam… Sam… Sam… God…" Carly's words were heated and rushed. Her vocal chords where operating independently of the brunette's brain.

Sam eased up, kissing her gently. The skin of Carly's neck was now red and inflamed. Carly couldn't possibly care less. She reached for Sam's chest, playfully fumbling for the buttons of her white dress shirt. One by one, the buttons failed, rewarding Carly with an ever-expanding view of Sam's toned, naked chest and stomach. She was in awe. Women weren't meant to be built this way, were they? Perfection of this order was reserved almost exclusively for museum pieces.

"I love you, Carls. I love you so much. I can't believe…"

"_Really, Sam? Must I do everything?" _she thought. _"Your Cupcake's not so innocent…"_

Carly reached for Sam's beltline, her fingers slick . She fumbled with Sam's pants. They needed to come off.

Carly pulled Sam to her again, her partner's mouth coming to rest on Carly's bare collarbone. A kiss. Sam's hand wandered slowly over Carly's stomach. The butterflies that lived there burst into flight.

"Sam, I love you. Please… I need you… Sam…"

Blonde ringlets fell forward, as Carly Shay's weight shifted beneath her. After a series of amateurish missteps, Sam Puckett was ready, her entire life building to a crescendo – this one moment. She was about to have a religious experience. She was about to stare into the face of God and live. A God who looked remarkably like Carlotta Taylor Shay.

"I love you, Cupcake…"

She lowered her head to Carly's chest, blonde curls brushing the most important space – to Sam – on Carly's entire body. She swore she could hear it – Carly's heart. It was beating in time with her own. Instinctively, Sam placed her hands on Carly's chest, marveling at how different Carly's body was from her own. She felt her partner's body shudder at the slightest touch.

"Carls, do you want me…"

"Don't ask! Just do!"

Carly felt Sam's lips flutter kisses across her stomach and chest. She only hoped…

"Sam! OH MY GOD!" Carly's fingers gripped her sheets, strangling them as her hands involuntarily clenched into fists.

Sam's lips and tongue had found their mark. She wanted to stay there for days.

"Sam, yes… more… right there…"

The room was spinning. She was seeing spots. She had gone momentarily deaf. Never before had Carly known that two people could fit together so simply; complement each other so utterly and completely. Electricity once again lit the base of Carly's spine. Sam Puckett had given her everything she could have ever asked for in the world.

"Sam…Love…Oh…God…Wonderfu-…Can't…Breathe…"

Carly struggled to right herself. She was a beached whale. She fumbled for Sam, though none of her muscles would coordinate with one another. She could only lay there and struggle for breath.

Sam looked into Carly's now flushed face, those warm chocolate eyes now brimming with tears. Sam could tell that her precious, precious Cupcake was perfectly well. These tears were coming not out of sadness or pain, but after the release of their long unrequited love. Both of their bodies were reacting to one another in ways they could not have imagined. The fear had subsided, but they were still children riding with training wheels. There was so much more to learn. Then things would be perfect. Emboldened by that realization, the trademark Puckett swagger returned to her.

"Who do you belong to, Carly Shay?" A crooked, coy smile played across Sam's face.

"Sam's…Sam's…Cupcake…" She panted, her breathing returning to something like normal.

"I love you, Carls. I hope I didn't disappoint you…"

"Oh, God…" Carly groaned, her body's muscle memory finally relaxing. "Sam… you could never… I love you."

She scrambled to Sam. Though their moment had since passed, she needed Sam. Her eyes were heavy and swollen, but she absolutely needed more from her tonight. Within minutes, Carly Shay was fast asleep, her head resting comfortably on Sam Puckett's torso.

There would be other moments. There would be other nights. She would own them. She would share them with Carly and Carly alone. For now, however, Sam Puckett was content to lay there in silence, watching her precious Cupcake dream. One thing was certain. The Soup Monster would haunt Sam Puckett no longer.


	9. iReturn to Ridgeway

**iReturn to Ridgeway**

Carly Shay felt a warmth against her face, the likes of which she had never known. The heat filled her ears, the fog finally lifting.

"Carls…"

She squealed in sleepy protest.

"Hmmmmpf!"

She tried to pull away, only to find it painful, her entire body tacky with residual moisture from the night before.

"Carls…"

Carly whined, a sleepy spoiled brat.

"Carls… We have school. Time to get up…" Sam prodded.

"Hmmmmpf!" Carly fussed again.

Having had enough of this, Sam Puckett took matters into her own hands. She craned her head close to Carly's and promptly nipped at her ear lobe, just hard enough to make her point.

"Sam! Oww!" Carly Shay was now fully awake.

"Well, you _sorta _taste like bacon, Carls…" she teased. "Delicious coconut bacon…"

"_Coconut bacon? Really? Do you even HEAR yourself?"_ She berated Sam inside her head.

"Tick, tick, tick, Carls…"

"Fine!" Carly whined melodramatically.

Carly Shay threw off her covers, swung her legs off the bed, and stomped off for the bathroom, behaving, all the while, like a petulant five-year-old. She wanted no part of Ridgeway High School today. No Algebra. No Spanish Class. No Homework. All she wanted was to lay here, naked, warm and safe in her own bed. In Sam's arms. Sam Puckett, for her part, wanted nothing more than to walk the halls, Carly by her side, and subconsciously gloat at landing the girl every male on campus wanted.

Sam was, at this point, still living out of an overnight bag that now found use as a doorstop. A week since she had left home, she knew she'd have to do a wash, though it wasn't imperative just yet. In Sam Puckett's world, there weren't simply two grades of laundry – clean or dirty – She had many subtle levels. She made her way from the bed to where her disheveled overnight bag lay and picked through it for something resembling an outfit fit for public consumption.

_Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Less Dirty. Fairly Clean. Reasonable._

Sam dressed in a matter of minutes, foregoing a bra, which she felt pointless, and a pair of socks, which she planned to steal from Carly. She was just pulling on a Cuttlefish t-shirt when Carly stepped from the bathroom, her hair wet and dripping, clad in her bathrobe.

"Good Morning, my love…" she sang, wrapping Sam into an embrace. Oh, the wonders a hot shower could do for one's disposition.

Carly drew Sam in and kissed her square on the lips.

"I love you, my little bacony hobo!" She tousled Sam's hair. "You really could use a good brushing…"

Sam cocked her head and crinkled her nose.

"You saying I'm a dog, Shay?" she spat, playfully.

Carly giggled.

"Of course not… Just that you could get all tangle-y, and then your little Cupcake couldn't play with your hair while you sleep, now, could she?" Carly gave Sam boo-boo lips. Sam was a sucker for the boo-boo lips.

Sam melted, if just for a second.

"Carls… School. We… or rather _you_ have to get ready."

Carly gripped Sam by the shoulders, looked deep into her eyes, and blew a loud, wet raspberry at her. '_Straight A_' Carly Shay was developing a rather loud personality. Sam had to dole out some Tough Love.

"Listen here, _PRINCESS… _Play time is over. School now. Fun later. Deal?"

Carly's shoulders slumped. She spoke in a weak voice, crestfallen.

"I was only trying to be cute…"

"You don't have to try, Cupcake. It's in your genes. Speaking of, wear the ones I like." She shot back a mirthful grin.

Carly laughed. She headed for her dresser, picking over various wardrobe options, before settling on Sam's favorite pair of black skinny jeans along with a navy blue blouse. She decided it would be easier to simply wear the same bra Sam had prematurely discarded the night before, presuming it hadn't been swallowed up by the black hole beneath her bed.

"Cupcake?"

"Uh huh…"

"Socks?"

Without thinking, Carly pulled open her sock drawer, selected two pairs of socks, and lazily tossed one in Sam's direction.

"So, is this how our relationship is going to be? When you don't want to do the laundry, you'll just raid my closet?"

"That's pretty much how it works now, so, I figure, if it ain't broke, don't fix it…"

Sam Puckett was such a smart-ass. And Carly Shay loved her for it.

_**A SHORT WHILE LATER…**_

Carly and Sam walked into Ridgeway High together, hand in hand. They had done this countless times before, of course, but only recently had it become scandalous. Carly felt as though she should have stitched a bright crimson "L" on all of her clothing. Ignoring the catcalls and crude comments, she held Sam's hand. She held her head up high, secure in who she was. Reaching her locker, she found the one person, aside from Sam, that she actually cared to see today, president of the Ridgeway High A/V Club and _iCarly _technical producer, Freddie Benson. She smiled at him.

"Fredduccini!" Sam barked at him, a smile crossing her face.

He nodded.

"Ladies…"

"Hey, Freddie…" Carly spoke in a demure voice, wanting to focus on Sam and Freddie, ignoring the controlled chaos around them. "I'm sorry I've been so distant lately. I hope you understand. Family drama and all…"

"_Family Drama," she thought. "Yeah, that's what it's called when you out yourself on the internet and your homophobic Air Force colonel father attempts to beat you in a room full of witnesses…"_

" 'sCool." Though he would never be Carly Shay's second husband, Freddie Benson would always love her. He smiled.

"Hey, Freddie?" Carly asked, as she finished packing her books.

"Yeah?"

"What do you say to the Groovy Smoothie tonight after school? There's somebody I'd really like you to meet…"

Carly knew that this is what needed to be done. Not only would it help Freddie feel less awkward around her and Sam, given the events of the past week, it would also provide Sam with a few laughs, which, was perhaps Carly's deeper motivation. She would handle everything.

"So… Groovy Smoothie at 4:30?"

"It's a date."

Immediately, Freddie wished he hadn't said it. He was waiting for a comment from Sam, or a punch, or a smack upside the head... He wasn't sure which mood she was in today. Strangely, it didn't come. What did, Freddie found even stranger still.

"The lady said 4:30, Fredward. Don't be late." She gave him her mock intimidating face. The fact was that Freddie Benson was quite intimidated. He agreed that he'd be there, said his goodbyes, and headed to class.

Sam leaned in close to Carly, sneaking a kiss before heading to homeroom.

"Love you, Cupcake."

"Love you too. I'll be in in just a minute."

"Cool, I'll stall for you."

Carly pulled Sam in for a brief hug before heading down the hall to the ladies room. If what she had in mind was to work, she'd need to keep both Freddie and her Ham Lover in the dark. It was only for a little while, anyway.

_**THAT AFTERNOON, AT THE GROOVY SMOOTHIE…**_

Carly and Sam had arrived at the Groovy Smoothie at four o' clock that afternoon, going directly there after school, purposely avoiding Freddie.

"Carls, this is totally nuts! Why didn't you tell me you were going to do this?"

"But I _did_ tell you, Honey…"

"Yeah, like five minutes before we walked in here!"

"So?"

Sam bowed her head because she knew she'd lost. The girls spent the intervening twenty-five minutes making small talk and getting lost in each others' eyes.

"Hey ladies," Freddie tried his best not to look out of place.

"Cop a squat, Fredbag…"

"Sam! Be nice! He _is_ our friend…"

Freddie took no offense and pulled out a chair, skillfully positioning himself in-between Carly and Sam, the line judge in their tennis match of puppy love.

"Okay, so what gives? You said there's somebody you wanted to introduce me to?"

"Well…," Carly began, her face flushing, "_technically_… Freddie, I'd like you to meet…"

"AGAIN!" Sam coughed.

"…for the first time…" Carly continued, trying her best to look cool, before Sam interrupted her again.

"My sister, Melanie."

Sam motioned to the counter, where a pretty blonde sat, her back to them.

"Yo! Get over here, Sweet Cheeks!" Sam shouted. She was incredibly uncouth. It was vintage Sam.

The girl spun around in her chair, still holding a Berry Blast smoothie. She had flushed a bright shade of red, but she was, unmistakably, Sam Puckett's identical twin.

Freddie gaped. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Wha… Oh. My. God. Twi—Twins? TWINS?"

He wanted to sink into his chair and die.

Melanie found this adorable.

"Hi, Freddie! I'm Melan-…" She paused. "Well, I guess you remember who I am…"

The initial shock over, Freddie politely excused himself, more focused on Melanie than his friends.

"Carls, you realize if this doesn't fall completely off the rails, I'm going to be related to that nub."

It took a moment for the enormity of that statement to fully hit Sam. She looked as though she would scream. Carly could only smile. She began to sing quietly to herself.

"…_Matchmaker, matchmaker…"_

"…_Make me a match…"_

"…_Find me a find…"_

"…_Catch me a catch…"_


	10. iDouble Date

**iDouble Date**

Carly had never been happier to be home. It was Friday afternoon and Spencer was out with Socko, which meant that she and Sam had the apartment to themselves for the entire evening, if not the weekend. Sam was already sprawled across the sofa while Carly made her way to the refrigerator for some liquid refreshment.

"Hey, Cupcake?"

Nothing else needed to be said. She could read Sam like a book.

"Way ahead of you, Mama…"

Carly made her way to the sofa – a drink in each hand – Peppy Cola for her, Root Beer for Sam. She set them down on the coffee table and cozied up to Sam, pressed into the arm of the sofa. She twisted a blonde curl in her fingers. She was content. She didn't know about Sam, but Carly was excited about tonight. Tonight was their double date with Freddie and Mel, who had become inseparable in the past week. It really wasn't so much a double date as it was the four of them sitting around the apartment all night, eating pizza and watching mindless TV.

Inseparable. The thought of it surely turned Sam's stomach.

"Sam?" Carly asked, her mind snapping back to reality after having drifted off into the netherworld. "You haven't said much. Is everything okay?"

Sam's weight shifted beneath her. She grumbled. She was apparently living in the same far-off place between her ears that Carly was.

"Just fine, Cupcake… Just…" Sam paused, searching her brain for what to say next. "Just a little… confused, I guess."

This did _not_ sound good. This was not her Sam. This, in fact, scared Carly. She snaked her arms tight around Sam's waist. She spoke, her voice shaking.

"Sammie… is… is… did I do something wrong?"

Carly never called her '_Sammie'_. She loved Carly with all her heart, but sometimes her precious little Cupcake could be so far off-base that it was laughable. Sam did just that.

"What?" Carly sounded deflated.

Sam turned her head, meeting Carly's. She kissed her forcefully on the cheek.

"Of course it's not you, Cupcake. The worst thing you've ever done to me was accidentally buy diet root beer. I've just been…" she paused. "_Conflicted_… about this thing with Mel."

"_This Thing With Mel." Could it be that Sam Puckett actually cared for another person? Someone who was not Carly?_ Carly chuckled, relieved that her fears were so ill-founded.

"You mean this is all about Melanie and…–"

"Don't say it, Shay!"

Sam Puckett was in denial. Carly laughed again.

"Aww! Sam loves Melanie…" Carly teased, sing-song.

"No… Sam loves _Carly_. Sam tolerates … _Her_."

Sam Puckett was almost as bad a liar as Carly. Carly decided to let her girlfriend have her delusion. She settled her head against Sam's chest and let her eyes shut.

_**FOUR EPISODES OF GIRLY COW LATER…**_

Carly's eyes fluttered as she felt Sam's weight shift beneath her. Sam stood up and Carly fell headlong into the arm of the sofa. Her world still fuzzy, she just lay there, afraid her brain would explode. To her relief, the pounding sound, she realized, was not coming from between her ears, but from the front door. Sam was up, ready to answer it.

"Yeah, yeah! Don't get your shorts in a twist! I'm comin'…"

Butch. Crude. Crass. Abrasive. Sam Puckett was all these things. All of these and more. These were all the reasons why Carly loved her.

Sam flung open the front door to reveal Freddie and Melanie on the other side. He was holding a bag of DVDs, while she carried two large pizzas. Instead of ushering them inside, Sam simply said the first thing that came to mind – bypassing that internal filter – the one that came standard on every other human being in existence.

"Nice, but did you bring anything for you guys to eat?"

Carly, now clearer-headed, scolded her lady-love.

"Sam! Come on in, you guys…"

Their guests stared at her. Carly was completely oblivious. She was also a total hot mess. Her clothing was rumpled, her hair askew. Ever tactful and polite, the first comment came from Melanie Puckett.

"I'm sorry, did we… umm…. _interrupt_ _something_?"

It took a moment to register, finally doing so after Carly patted at her fly-away hair. She shrieked.

"Oh. My. God. So. Embarrassing!" She rushed off to Spencer's bathroom, hoping that a little water and a hairbrush would do the trick. She returned moments later, the new happy couple now occupying the sofa, Sam in the hallway, hands folded across her chest, grinning.

"All better, Cupcake?" she chuckled. Carly shot her a smile.

"Much, thanks. What we watching?"

Sam shrugged her shoulders, feigning indifference.

"I dunno. _They_ put it on… _Galaxy Wars III: Attack of the Nubs…" _Sam was derisive.

"_Attack of the Spawn!" _Freddie corrected her. He took his _Galaxy Wars_ very seriously.

"Whatev!"

Carly giggled.

"Children, children, Please! Am I going to have to separate you?"

Even Sam laughed. She took Carly by the hand, and they joined the other couple in front of the TV.

Hours later, well into _Galaxy Wars V_, Carly Shay was fading fast. She squeezed Sam's hand gingerly, signaling that it was time for bed. The front door lock was set, so she wasn't concerned. She pumped Sam's hand again, pleading in her softest, sweetest little girl voice, careful so that Freddie and Melanie wouldn't hear. That would be too embarrassing.

"_Sam…" _Carly whined, "_Carly s'eepy… It bed time…"_

Sam stretched, turned to their guests, and, for the first time all evening, was reasonably polite.

"Calling it a night… Melanie…" she paused before continuing, as though it was too distasteful to do otherwise. "Fredward."

Neither Freddie nor her sister responded immediately, too engrossed in the film, as well as each other.

"Night…" they said in unison.

_**EIGHT A.M. …**_

Carly Shay woke up to screaming… and an empty bed. If her childhood had taught her anything, it was that screaming was horrible, and it turned her stomach.

"…_Fear leads to anger…"_

"…_Anger leads to hate…"_

"…_Hate leads to suffering…"_

She immediately recognized the loudest voice. How could she not? It was her baby – _Her Sam_. Without thinking, she bounded down the stairs as fast as she could. She didn't care that she was barely dressed. Reaching the landing between the first and second floors, she saw that Freddie and Melanie were still here. Judging by their clothes, they had apparently spent the night sacked out on the sofa. Sam was screaming at Freddie.

"YOU! You come in here with your _Galaxy Wars_ and your pizza, and you think that it's okay for you to…" Her voice trailed off.

The gloves finally came off.

"It wasn't like that! We just fell asleep, Sam!"

"Shut it, Princess Perfect!" Sam snapped. "Do you think that's what I want for you? This little Chizz ball all over your goodie basket? My future nieces and nephews would be absolutely beautiful techno-nerds… Don't you think that I want…?" Melanie cut her off.

"WHAT? WHAT SAM? What _do_ you want, exactly?" Melanie was exasperated, tears already welling up in her eyes as she screamed back at her sister.

"What do you want for me, exactly, Little Sister… And why is it any of your business? I'm a big girl, Samantha, and I can make my own decisions, just as well as you can…"

"I just want you…. I want you…. I want you to be…" Sam choked. She couldn't find the words fast enough.

"WHAT? MORE LIKE CARLY?" Melanie spat, bile instantly rising in her throat. She had done the one thing she had never wanted to. She had wounded her sister, whom, despite all of her taunts, she loved more than anything. Sam could only stand there, slack-jawed.

"Sam… I'm… I'm so… I'm so sorry…. I didn't… I didn't mean…."

Carly screamed from the stairs.

"ENOUGH! Everybody just shut up! Sam… Sam… Sam…" Carly's concern was immediately for her.

She was absolutely stunned. Fighting through tears, Sam Puckett finally found the words. To everyone's surprise, she was remarkably composed. She spoke civilly to her sister, without a hint of animas.

"Mel, that's not it… I just… We've lost so much time… I just want… I just want us… you know, to be sisters…" Sam was clearly emotional. This had obviously been weighing on her a very, very, very long time.

Melanie sniffed back tears and laughed. It wasn't a derisive, contemptuous laugh, like the kind Sam Puckett knew all too well – this was genuine. Her sister, her perfect sister, was sincere.

"Sam… We'll always be sisters… We're just not the same person…"

"But…" Sam interjected, clearly lost. "But we're identical..."

Melanie smirked.

"Sure… on the outside. Inside, we're individuals, Sam. That's what makes us us. We each have our own lives. I can't be exactly perfect. I can't be more like anybody, just me. You have what works for you. You have Carly. I have this…" Melanie walked over to Freddie and tousled his already sleep-mussed hair. Sam laughed.

"You have The Nub…" Sam smirked.

"I prefer to call him Freddie…"

"Hug?"

Melanie agreed. She hugged Sam close. She knew that, however misguided her thinking, she did what she had to do to say it in her own way.

"Sam…." Carly called to her from the stairs, still concerned, wanting to run to her, despite her state of undress. Sam looked to her.

"It's okay… Go get dressed, Carls. Breakfast is coming up. Mama's making Chicken and Waffles…" She glanced over to Freddie. He nodded.

"For four."


	11. iMend Fences

**iMend Fences**

Carly descended stairs and re-entered the living room, now dressed in her favorite weekend wear – her oldest, most broken-in pair of jeans and the hoodie she had bought at the Cuttlefish concert last year. Her bare feet slapped the hardwood floor with every step. Clearing the final step, a familiar face greeted her, pulling her in to a desperate hug. It was not her Ham Lover. She was in the kitchen, cooking. Cooking with Freddie.

Melanie was babbling incoherently into her chest.

"Carly, I… I didn't mean… Please…"

She didn't need to finish.

"Mel, it's fine. We all say things we don't mean, especially in the heat of the moment. I've known you too long…"

She didn't need to finish the sentence. Melanie understood. She looked up into Carly's eyes, her own again wet with tears.

"I should never have said…"

Carly pressed a finger to Melanie's lips, shushing her.

"Look, I know you feel bad, but really, it's fine. Believe me, I've heard worse." Without thinking, she threw her arm across Melanie's shoulders and walked with her to the kitchen. She walked with her, arm in arm, just as she would with Sam. She could already hear the makings of World War III in the kitchen.

"No, no, no, you dishrag! You do it like this!" Sam, covered in egg and flour up to her elbows, was gesticulating to Freddie, showing him the _'proper'_ technique for butterflying a chicken breast.

"_Welcome to the Sam Puckett Culinary Institute."_ Carly thought, chuckling to herself. Then she noticed something strange. Freddie Benson was _smiling_.

Reaching the kitchen, Carly left Melanie at the breakfast bar and headed straight for Sam. She needed her. She had become a junkie and Sam Puckett was her drug of choice. She met Sam at the sink, wrapping her into a deep embrace from behind, pressing her waist into the small of Sam's back. Carly kissed Sam's neck. Sam did her best to turn and face her, running her floury, sticky fingers through Carly Shay's hair, oblivious to the fact that they had an audience. Flecks of flour stood out. She couldn't have cared less.

"Hey, Cupcake! I'm so sorry… I know how much you hate confrontation."

"It's okay, but please, no more? She's your sister… and he's our friend…"

Freddie cleared his throat loudly.

Sam was back in the moment. She was back to directing the kitchen – temporarily hers – like a pro. She finally felt in complete control. Carly and cooking. This was all she needed. She stared through Freddie Benson. She barked at him simply to keep up appearances. They had buried their hatchet quite a long time ago. Freddie, for his part, was actually beginning to enjoy it.

"Dammit, Benson… How hard is it to fry chicken? You have _GOT _to be the dumbest smart person I know!"

Melanie opened her mouth to protest, but Freddie waved her off with a knowing glance. He was smiling. Sam Puckett had just called him smart. Sam looked to her sister. She was loud and acerbic. She knew no other way to be. It was who she was.

"Hey you… Yeah, Blondie… Did they teach you how to work a waffle iron at that fancy school? I can't expect _this one_ to do it. She might get her nails dirty. She's such a priss."

Carly shot Melanie a bright smile, laughter in her voice.

"It's true. I'm the prissiest!"

Melanie smiled. She knew this was Sam's way of apologizing. Her heart had always attached itself to food. In Sam's world, every person was wired the same way. To her, everyone responded to food the way that she did. The only way she knew how to say she was sorry for what she had done was to feed them, especially food that so typified the two of them. Carly was the sweetness, Sam was the salt. At first blush, it looked like they could never coexist, but once you put them together; it was obvious that there could be no other way.

Freddie, Melanie, and Sam scuttled around the kitchen, piecing together breakfast service for four. Despite the discordant beginning to her day, Carly Shay could not have been happier. She had three of the people who mattered most to her in the entire world under her roof and they were sharing breakfast. In a great many ways, they were her family. She could feel a mixture of pride and embarrassment flush over her, turning her bright pink, but she didn't care. She wished it could always be like this.


	12. iRelease You

**iRelease You**

Sam had taken Carly to lunch that afternoon, after a trip to the Pike Place Market. It was the least she could do, in her mind, after fucking things up so royally. She would understand if Carls wanted to call it quits after this. That was just how badly she'd screwed the pooch today, at least in her mind. Carls, of course, kept telling her how everything was just fine, so long as Freddie and Melanie forgave her.

"Carls, honey, I just can't apologize enough for what happened."

Carly's cell phone rang, ruining the mood. She glanced at the Caller ID and her heart sank. Her father was calling. She hadn't spoken to him since the previous week, when he had tried to physically assault her, all for her crime of falling in love. Against her better judgment, she took his call, but she wasn't about to be his saccharin-sweet little princess any longer.

"What do you want? I really have nothing to say to you."

"_Carly, please, hear me out…"_

"Colonel, there isn't anything you could say that I would want to hear."

"_Sweetheart… Honey… Please…"_

Carly felt herself get physically sick. She had no idea what the man was looking for from her. She certainly couldn't be what he wanted.

"Don't you DARE _'Sweetheart'_ me, you Son of a Bitch, after what you've done…"

Steven Shay continued to press the issue.

"_Carly, I understand if you hate me, I've certainly given you that right... however…"_

"YOU UNDERSTAND NOTHING!" she screamed. "I am not going to have this conversation with you, _Colonel…_ I want you to understand something, ONCE AND FOR ALL! Nothing you can ever say or do will change the way I feel about Sam – EVER. As soon as I start college – _which you won't have to pay for, by the way_ – she and I will be out on our own and that will be that. Quite frankly, I'm done! WE'RE DONE! You aren't any good to me, so I release you… Good bye, _Daddy!" _Carly said the last word with as much contempt as she could muster. She felt every raw, hurtful, negative emotion she possessed come raging to the surface. She was shaking, with only Sam Puckett as her protector. Overcome, she began to sob right then and there, in the middle of the street.

"Carls…Baby…" Sam kissed her cheek, not caring who might see.

Carly's phone rang again. Steven Shay had the audacity to call back. Sam snatched the phone from Carly's trembling hand and answered it without a second's hesitation. The contempt in her voice was palpable.

"Listen, call her again and we're going to the police and having you charged with Harassment!" She ended the call before Steven Shay even knew what had hit him.

Distraught, Carly beamed at Sam. She loved her. She loved her with all of her soul. She would breathe her last breath in this world loving Samantha Puckett. Tears streamed down her face and her makeup ran. She felt hot, swollen, bloated, embarrassed, and a host of other emotions she couldn't yet process. She didn't care. As long she had Sam, all was right in her world. The sky could be falling all around her, but with Sam by her side, it would never matter.

"Sam…" Carly squeaked through tears. "Home… Please…"

Sam craned her mouth to Carly's ear.

"I love you, Cupcake."

It was all Carly Shay needed to hear. The gaping hole in her stomach knitted. She would be well. It would take time and it would certainly be painful, but she would be well. She had Sam.

"I love you too… I love you too."

Sam knew that Carly was in no position to trek her way back across town on a city bus. She just wouldn't allow it. Reaching the curb, she hailed a cab, opened the door, and as gently as she could, shepherded Carly inside, following soon after. She closed the door with a slam.

"Bushwell Plaza. NOW." Sam dug into her purse, fumbled for her wallet, and produced a twenty dollar bill.

The cab pulled off into midday Seattle traffic, but neither Carly nor Sam was in any position to notice. So far as they were concerned, the other was the only thing that existed in the entire world. It killed Sam to see her this way. It tore at the fiber of her very soul to see Carly Shay suffer, especially so unnecessarily. If it took the rest of her life, Sam Puckett would see to it that no one ever hurt her precious, beautiful, vivacious Cupcake ever again. If they did, they would have to go through her in order to do it. She drew Carly into an embrace, kissing her discreetly, using her lips as a bandage for Carly's pain.

"I love you, Carlotta." Sam whispered, using her given name for the first time in quite a while. It was the soothing balm that Carly needed. Her nose crinkled at the sound of her full name, causing a weak smile to play its way across her face, if only for a moment.

"Sam…" Carly was hoarse with tears.

"Shhh, Cupcake. I know."

Carly managed a giggle. Of course Sam knew. Sam Puckett always knew.

The cab dropped both girls at the front entrance to the Bushwell Plaza with money to spare. Sam told the driver to keep the change. She knew they just needed to go. It took all of Carly's concentration to focus on the momentary task of unlocking the back door and exiting the car. Sam Puckett followed her, draping her denim jacket over Carly, as though she were a celebrity being shielded from the paparazzi working the rope line.

They entered the building and crossed the lobby without incident. Sam saw no sign of Lewbert, nor did she care. She dropped the jacket from over Carly's eyes as they waited. They were already beginning to swell.

"Just a few more minutes, Cupcake, I promise…" Sam cooed into her ear, barely above a whisper. The elevator finally arrived, its doors sliding open. The girls stepped inside, the doors whooshing shut behind them. Braced against the back wall of the car, Carly collapsed against Sam, defeated, and cried.

"Shhh, Cupcake… we're almost home, I promise. A few more minutes and you can rest, I promise. Can you do that for me?"

Carly stared deep into Sam's face. She could get lost in those eyes forever.

'_Anything for you'_, her look seemed to say.

Arriving on the eighth floor, Sam guided Carly down the hall to 8C, opening the door with Carly's key. She forced the door open with a kick. She turned to Carly, who looked green around the gills. This simply would not do.

"Upsy Daisy, Cupcake…" Sam swept Carly into her arms, carrying her across the threshold, as she imagined she would on their wedding night. Sam could feel Carly slipping away in her arms. She knew it was coming. She crossed the darkened living room, depositing her now sleeping love onto the sofa, resting her against the arm. Lacking a suitable blanket, her jacket, now damp with a mixture of rain and Carly's tears, would have to suffice. Sam drew it up to Carly's chin. Certain she was resting comfortably; Sam crossed the room and entered the kitchen. Finding a pen and notepad on the kitchen counter, she scrawled a note:

_

* * *

_

**Spence,**

**_Carly sick. Thank your father for that._**

**_Let her sleep._**

**_Sam_**

* * *

Signing her name with a scratch and a scribble, she returned the way she'd come and sat on the sofa, opposite the object of her affection. She would be here when she woke up, for whatever she needed. No matter when that was. She owed her that much. That was, of course, what unconditional love meant.


	13. iAm Not Weak

**iAm Not Weak**

Carly Shay was heartsick. The heart, like any other muscle in the human body, is susceptible to infection and injury – and without even laying eyes on her, her father had injured her.

Her lids began to flutter, the dark chocolate eyes beneath screwed up, fighting for clarity. There had to be something wrong. The bright mass in front of her face divided. Gingerly, she reached up, recognition beginning to dawn. Her eyes still had yet to focus.

"Pretty…. Pretty… Blurry… Girls…." she muttered, sleepily drunken.

Her vision was now crowded and no less hazy. Then she heard it – the voice that made everything okay.

"There she is…. There's my little Cupcake…" Sam Puckett cooed. "It's about time. You've been asleep for nearly seven hours. Are you feeling better?"

Carly had no idea. _Did she just say seven hours_?

"I had… the strangest dream." She tried to swallow, her mouth dry.

Sam immediately leaned in, a glass of water in hand. Carly sipped, looking from left to right, her vision finally restored.

"You were there…" _Sam_. "…and you were there…" _Melanie_. "…and you were there…" _Spencer_.

Her big brother spoke next, his voice soft and even, reminiscent of their mother's.

"Hey Kiddo…"

She loved them all, she truly did, but this was all her fault; she had done this to herself. It wasn't as though she'd gotten run down by a speeding taco truck.

She sat halfway up, attempting to speak, before Sam shushed her.

"Carls, we know you don't want people to worry, but that's what we do…" Sam paused. "You matter, so we worry. That's the way it is…"

Carly remembered, but she was confused nonetheless.

"Okay…" She would just go along to get along. "But… but I did this to myself, basically. I got myself so worked up…. He made me so upset… and I basically made myself sick over it."

She felt so stupid. How could she have let _That Man _get to her? Maybe he was right about her after all these years. Maybe she was _weak._ She flushed bright pink.

"Won't happen again, Cupcake, I promise…" Sam held her close and helped her to her feet. Melanie was there for moral support, of course – Sam's big sister – if only by a minute. Spencer was, frankly, Spencer.

It was strange for her to have these feelings. Her feelings for Sam, she knew, had always been there, even below the surface. These felt completely natural. What felt strange for her was for her to, in a manner of speaking, be mourning a death – the death of the father she thought she knew – while he was still breathing. Her body felt such conflict that it had turned inward upon itself, making her so distraught as to be physically ill, while at the very same time, she, emotionally, felt nothing whatsoever.

Steven Shay, the man she thought she knew and loved, she realized, had died all those years ago, when he had first crawled inside a bottle to escape his own demons. That was then. This was now. Now, Carly Shay had _oh so much_ more to live for. She was bright, articulate, blessed with wit and charm. Most of all, however, what was most precious to her couldn't be quantified in any real way, although she would trade her soul for it, if ever it were lost to her. Most precious to her in the entire world was the heat welling up in her chest at this very moment. The salty sweetness filling her lungs. Precious beyond measure was but one thing – her own exquisite sin – Sam Puckett.

She no longer felt ill. Her body and her mind had reached a peace accord in the demilitarized zone where her heart resided. It was mutually beneficial that both parties cease aggression against the other, in the best interests of Carly Shay.

She was back up to speed, yet Sam insisted on babying her. She didn't need it, but she knew that Sam was doing it solely for her. To Sam, Carly would always be her vulnerable little Cupcake. She would always be her princess, locked away in a tower, with a dragon to slay. In that moment, she realized that her father and the love of her life were, in fact, the same. Colonel Steven Shay, resident Air Force bigot, and Samantha Puckett, ham lover, were mirrors of the other. They both saw her as some idealized version of herself, everything they wished for her to be. They were, respectively, the Dark and the Light in her universe. They were diametrically opposed to each other. It was how it would always be, but, for Carly, at least, it was immaterial. It no longer mattered. The line in the sand had been drawn. Sabers had been rattled, voices raised, and battles fought. It was all over. In the Battle of Carly Shay, she had shown that she was anything but weak. She was soft and tender. She was fragile and bright. It was all irrelevant now. Choices had been made. The Light had won the day and she was home, right where she always belonged.


	14. iLie Awake

**iLie Awake**

It was a rough night. Carly Shay felt schizophrenic. She didn't know what she wanted. She simultaneously prayed for both rest and redemption, knowing she could have only one. She was with Sam, warm and comfortable, which, under normal circumstances, would have been enough to allow her to drift off, dreaming sweetly of their future together. Tonight was anything but normal. Tonight, there was no sleep to be had. She had slept most of the day away, which obviously exacerbated the problem, but whenever sleep did come, it was fitful and short-lived. She clung to Sam's bare torso tightly, praying to God that the sun would rise before her body succumbed to sleep again. She whispered into her love's naked shoulder.

"Sam… I love you… I love you… I love you… I love you… I love you…" Carly was manic.

She had always teased Sam for her nightmare about the Soup Monster. It sounded so silly – until Carly realized what Sam's nightmare truly meant. Carly Shay was the soup. All of these years, it was Carly she feared would be taken from her. The shoe was now on the other foot.

She kissed Sam's neck, not wanting her to wake, but praying she would understand if she did.

"Don't leave me… Don't leave me… Don't leave me…" She began to cry again, though less than the first time it happened. It had happened, by her count, seven times tonight already. Seven times, it was the same, yet different. Seven times it was different, though the end result was Carly, electricity coursing through her veins, terrified.

She knew where the nightmare began. She was in a deserted amusement park. It was always the same, always the Hall of Mirrors. There was barely enough light for her to see. The buzz of electricity was in the air. Everywhere she turned, there were mirrors. There were short mirrors and warped mirrors. There were more mirrors than she had ever seen. The building, which seemed to go on indefinitely in all directions, must have housed thousands of mirrors of every size and description. Off in the distance, Carly heard the same thing she always heard. It was the only thing for which she would endure. It was Sam Puckett, and she was screaming.

"CARLS! HELP ME!"

"_Oh no…" _Her voice reverberated in her own head. It had happened again.

Everywhere she looked, Carly saw Sam Puckett. In every corner of the room, there were Sam Pucketts, all begging for her help – thousands of them. There was no way in the world that she could save them all, as much as she wanted to. There was simply not enough time. She knew what would happen next. Knowing what was coming didn't make it any less traumatic. It was, if anything, far more traumatic to have precognition of everything that was to come. She knew full well that she was powerless against it. Off in the distance, Carly heard shattering glass. Sam Puckett was torn asunder.

She was hyperventilating now. She burst into a run. No help. Wherever she turned, Carly faced uncertainty. No matter which direction she turned, she felt like the walls were closing in – sealing her inside.

Shattering Glass. Sam Puckett has ceased to be. Spider-webbing. Another one bites the dust.

She was hyperventilating, sweating now.

"_I'm coming! Where are you?" _She screamed, if only to herself.

"CARLS!"

"_Sam!"_

"I'm right here!"

She had been through this all before. For every Sam she attempted to save, she was seconds too late. They all were obliterated, just inches from her fingertips. It was torture. This was cruel and inhuman punishment of the highest order, and she didn't have the slightest idea why she would be made to suffer this way. Why should it be Sam Puckett – _Her Sam_ – who was taken and forced to endure this? Why couldn't it be her, Carly? She instantly knew why. It couldn't be the other way around because, if it were, this sadistic game would fail. Sam Puckett would win and Carly Shay would be safe. It needed to be this way because games of chance always favored The House.

She was running in circles for what felt like hours. She was sore. She was tired. She was beaten and battered, running through this maze of darkness. She had spent most of her life in Seattle, where fog was nearly a daily occurrence, but never before had she felt such fear of the unknown. She could barely see six inches in front of her face, but Carly pressed on. Her soul told her that she had to, no matter what the cost.

She heard the faint buzz of electricity again.

"CARLY! HELP ME!"

Carly turned on her heel, in the direction she swore Sam's voice was coming from, only to have her cheekbone connect with a wall in the darkness. It would either be broken, and if not, it would certainly swell. She didn't care. She would take whatever abuse she had to, just so long as she was reunited with the one she had lost. She was afraid she may have cracked a tooth.

"SAM!"

This was different. This wasn't like the other times. Nothing about this was right.

"_What the hell is going on? Where's Sam? I need my Sam! Where's Sam?"_

This was beyond different. This was nowhere near right. This wasn't how it ended...

Then, Carly heard it – the sound that made her blood run cold. She could hear the slow, methodical, deliberate cracking of glass. It was as though she was on a frozen lake and each step took her closer and closer to the inevitable. She took the slightest, most delicate step possible. Crack. Crack. Crack. Crack. Crack. She stepped. It broke. Then, without warning, her entire world was torn apart.

She took the slowest, deepest, most measured breath. She exhaled cautiously. The entire room imploded. Carly was falling. She was falling, dark and fast, further and further away from the only thing she would ever need – the air that would fill her lungs every waking moment. She screamed.

Carly Shay was in bed. She was bolt upright. She was sweaty and hyperventilating, but she was alive.

"No…. No….Sweet God, No…. Sam…." Carly pulled her knees into her chest, rocking, shaking the cobwebs from her brain.

"I'm right here, Cupcake… I'm fine… I'm right here, Sweetheart… Everything's okay…"

Sam Puckett was wide awake, holding her love by the shoulders. It was what she needed. Carly would always be her priority. She knew that this would keep happening. She knew, but she had the answers. She would always have the answers Carly needed. She pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

"It's four in the morning, Cupcake… It was just a bad dream, a very, very bad dream. Everything is going to be fine. C'mon, take a few deep breaths and try to get some rest. Mama's here. Mama's here…"

Instantly, warmth washed over Carly Shay. It was just a nightmare. It was the most horrible nightmare imaginable. It was horrible, but none of it was real. She let herself fall sidelong into Sam's chest. She knew she could sleep now.


	15. iSacrifice for Sam

**iSacrifice for Sam**

Carly Shay held hard and fast to Sam, even though she had vanquished the darkness. She pressed her own body into her partner's, desperately urging them to fit together as best she could. Her delicate curves slid gently into the contours of her love's back.

"_There we go…" _she thought, sleepily. She was in that no man's land between sleep and awake. Sam Puckett was her elusive drug, and she needed another fix. She wound a blonde curl reflexively in her fingers. More than ever, Carly wanted to be exactly what Sam thought she already was: her perfect little Cupcake. Carly Shay hated the truth of the matter. She was nothing more than a filthy, little liar.

It was true. That's what she was. She was a liar, and although she had sworn she would never keep something from Sam, she knew that she had to. The truth – at least now – would crush her. She had reason upon reason – Seventeen of them, in fact, all the same, to keep quiet. They were all sealed in fat number ten envelopes in the one place Carly knew they would be safe. They were all hidden underneath that which Sam loved, but could never give a name.

The entire Big Ten. Half the Pac Ten. Virginia. Florida State. They all had two things in common. They had all given her the same gift. She would be given a full ride. It had all come at the same cost – a life without Sam Puckett. That choice was no choice at all. She knew what she needed to do. Once it was all done, she would confide in the only person she could, aside from Sam. She would tell Melanie where to find the evidence, what to do with it, and then, God willing, they would never speak of it again. Of course, she would tell Sam in time, but she simply couldn't bear the thought of her knowing the whole truth now. If she did, she would send Carly away. She would sentence Carly to a term of four years hard labor in Corvallis or Charlottesville, Tallahassee, Madison, or Ann Arbor. Four years in solitary confinement, without as much as a conjugal visit. Sam would put Carly's dreams, aspirations, and goals ahead of her own happiness. She always had and Carly knew that she always would. That was her Ham Lover, in a nutshell. It was selfless, committed, and endearing. This time, however, Carly couldn't have it. Her heart wouldn't allow it. Was it acceptable to be deceitful in the name of love? She didn't know, but she knew that she would soon find out – her soul would allow her only one option.

It was five thirty in the morning, and though she had slept for ninety blissful minutes, it felt as though that too had been a dream.

"I love you, Sam Puckett…" she whispered. "Forgive me; I know not what I do…"

Except that too was a lie. She was acutely aware of what she needed to do. How could Sam ever love or trust her? Her perfect, precious Cupcake had kept so many things hidden that she no longer knew what was true – save for one perfect, shining, incorruptible truth. The only _real_ truth was the depth of her love for Sam, which facilitated the need for her lies in the first place.

She dipped her lips to the tender flesh of Sam's neck, kissing her as sweetly and gently as she dared. She had already woken her once tonight with her manic raving. This was particularly sad because, unlike Sam's years-long duel with the Soup Monster, the cause of her own night terrors was no mystery. They were much, much more pedestrian than that. They were, quite simply, Carly Shay punishing Carly Shay.

The fact of the matter was that this was all put into motion months ago. On her eighteenth birthday, she had been given access to her college fund. The long-mythical fund, endowed with birthday money, other gifts, as well as her portion of her mother's life insurance, was meant to provide not only for her education, but also her future security. It would do all that and more.

Carly knew, in her heart of hearts, that _'her future security'_ could mean only one thing. Her future would be secure only in the arms of Sam Puckett, whose essence would fill her lungs with forbidden bacony goodness from now until forever. Why was this so hard?

The Heart wants what The Heart wants.

She no longer gave a damn. The emotional self-flagellation had taken its toll. She no longer wanted to over-think it or be forced to choose between the lesser of Who the Hell Cares. Now, all she needed was so agonizingly close that her entire body ached in response. For now, all she needed was Sam. She nestled her head into the soft flesh of Sam's back, allowing sleep to overtake her. It would be short-lived anyway.

Carly Shay slept like the dead. She had now been asleep for the past three hours. She was exhausted, but she felt relieved. Her demons seemed to have gone away, slain by Sam's warm embrace hours earlier. The morning was beautiful by Seattle's standards, the sun cutting a swath across her bed, into Sam's face. It reminded her of a hymn she had heard in church with her grandparents as a little girl, reminding her that every day of her life – every day she would spend with Sam – was a blessing. That sealed her decision. She knew what needed to be done. It would be over and done with as soon as she and Sam weren't joined at the hip, although, at the moment, she adored the fact that they were. She felt Sam stir slightly, shaking the cobwebs from her mind. She whined, stretched, and reoriented herself, like a cat in the sunlight.

Carly couldn't resist. She shifted, rolling over, pinning Sam Puckett beneath her. Her knee was directly between Sam's thighs. Sam was startled awake. She stared up at her Cupcake with expansive ice blue eyes. She stammered.

"Good Morning, my Love…"

"Carls… What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Carly laughed.

Sam gaped. She could only manage a slack-jawed 'deer in the headlights' look.

Sam babbled incoherently, as though she simply couldn't figure out what to say.

"Just returning the favor from the other night, My Love…" she said, breathlessly.

Carly lowered her face to Sam's and kissed her. It was more forceful than Sam was used to.

"Carls…" It was all Sam could manage.

The more she'd gotten used to it, the more Carly had learned to love every subtle difference between Sam's body and her own. Chief among these was the muscle tone Sam usually kept hidden. Carly kissed her way along Sam's collarbone, down the base of her neck, and across the sinewy bands of muscle that comprised her chest and stomach. She was a woman on a mission and would not be denied. She now knew from experience just what to do.

"Carls…" Sam Puckett could barely breathe.

Sam felt like she would lose her mind. She had done a great many things in her life, but she had never gotten high. She had never needed to. Carly Shay was her high. At the moment, she was overdosing. Carly Shay was causing her to come apart at the seams. Forgetting exactly where Carly was, she rolled onto her hip, burying her face into Carly's pillow. She screamed.

Carly, like Sam, was out of breath. She knew Sam wouldn't be much for conversation at this point, but she knew she had to say _something._ She didn't know if she needed to joke, be serious, or what she needed to say, but she knew she couldn't simply leave things as they were.

She rolled off of Sam, getting into a much more comfortable position, and looked her in the eye. Sam beamed back at her, flushed.

"Carls, What in the hell possessed you to…"

Carly told her the God's-honest truth.

"Couldn't help it. Now, we'd better get up, get dressed, and get going. We wouldn't want Spencer to come up here, checking on us, would we?"

Her tone was playful. Of course they wouldn't want that.

Sam leaned in close, kissing Carly flush in the center of her forehead.

"You're Amazing, Cupcake."

"_You have no idea…_" she thought to herself. Sam was going to kill her.

Carly stifled a chuckle as Sam untangled herself from the bed sheets, making her way to the bathroom. Carly knew she'd now have at least a half hour to kill before starting her day in earnest. She lay back in bed for a few minutes, regaining her composure before reaching for her laptop. She powered it up, and opened the web browser. She had never seen — let alone spent – this amount of money in her entire life. She had no qualms about it at all. There was no hesitation. Sam Puckett was worth every single penny.


	16. iCan't Keep It In

**iCan't Keep It In!**

Carly and Sam spent the morning together in their usual weekend fashion: cozied up on the sofa, junk food at hand, watching hours of _Girly Cow_ on DVD. It was something that they had always done. It kept them grounded. No matter how stressful or serious life got, Carly and Sam always had time for each other. They always had time to shut out the world and giggle mindlessly for no special reason whatsoever.

With no warning whatsoever, Spencer burst through the door with reckless abandon. Carly's wondered why he was so wound up over something as simple as the mail.

"MAIL CALL!"

Carly couldn't help but giggle. Spencer immediately started reading off the addresses on the letters, flinging them wildly to their owners. Junk mail rained down on Carly and Sam's heads.

"Occupant…Occupant… Occupant… Occupant…Spencer!...Occupant…Carly...Carly…PUCKETT!"

Sam did a double-take. "What the Chizz?" Sam had completely forgotten using Carly's address as her own on the one and only college application she filled out, simply because Carly had begged her. Sam didn't see much point. Her grades were jank at best, so she harbored absolutely no delusion that she stood any chance whatsoever of acceptance.

"Ooh, Sam… looks pretty important!" Spencer teased her. "Better open it…"

"Yeah, whatever…" Sam sounded bitter. There was no way she got in, she just knew it.

"You want me to open it?" Spencer asked, childlike mirth lighting up his face.

"Whatever tickles your peach, Spence… Go for it…"

Spencer tore open the envelope, unfolded the letter, and began to read it aloud, complete with his own melodramatic embellishments.

* * *

"_Dear Miss Puckett:_

_Thank you for your application for admission to Seattle University for the upcoming semester. Upon further review of your application… blah, blah, blah…."_

* * *

"Spencer! Don't _'blah, blah, blah'_ her! This is _hugely_ important!"

Sam loved Spencer as much as she loved Carly, but she came unhinged, if only for a second. She jumped to her feet, rounded the sofa, and wailed on him as hard as she could.

"Look here, Art Monkey! Read the letter right this time, or next time, I aim lower!"

Spencer Shay, lovable man-child, made another attempt. Unfortunately for him, he had an extremely short attention span.

"…Upon further _blah, blah, blah…_ We would like to welcome you to the incoming freshman class, Congratulations… Sincerely, _blah, blah, blah… Director of Admissions."_

Despite the good news, Sam decided to hit him anyway, if simply for the sport of it. She pounded him again, directly on top of the original injury. He squealed like a little girl.

"SAM!" Carly scolded. She knew she was in trouble. She decided to play it cool, thinking that would get her out of her Cupcake's doghouse. It worked – to a degree.

She turned to Carly, glancing at her from behind the sofa. She shrugged her shoulders weakly, flashing a lazy, rugged, somewhat masculine smile.

"Sorry, it's just what I know…" She could sense Carly Shay going gooey on the inside, if only for a second. She vaulted the sofa in a fluid motion, landing softly next to Carly. Sam could tell she was impressed. Still in pain, Spencer scrabbled to his feet. Admittedly, he hurt like hell, but laughed it off. No hard feelings.

Carly glanced down at the mail in her lap. At what she thought might be the most inopportune moment, Sam noticed too. Sitting there, front and center, was an envelope identical to the one Sam had just received.

"Carls! I didn't know… You applied there too? You were going to apply to all those big schools… all over the place..."

She just smirked at Sam and tore open the envelope.

* * *

"_Dear Miss Shay:_

_Thank you for your application for admission to Seattle University for the upcoming semester. Upon further review of your application, we are pleased to inform you…"_

* * *

As Carly had expected, she was now eighteen-for-eighteen.

"Oh my God, Carls! A full ride? That's amazing! I'm so proud…" Sam's voice trailed off. There was a hole in the pit of her stomach. She had no idea where her own tuition would come from.

She turned to Carly, her lip trembling.

"Carls, I'm so proud of you… I love you so much…"

Carly hugged her.

"I love you too, Sweety… What's the matter?"

"I just… I… I don't have the money… I mean, you know my family… I mean, maybe I could get it from Uncle Carmine… He knows how to get things… but…"

Carly hugged her, giggled, and kissed her on the cheek.

"Sam, you're not _'borrowing'_ money from your Uncle Carmine…"

"But Carls… There's no other way…"

"_Oh yes there is, Princess…" _she thought to herself.

Carly swallowed hard. She couldn't even look Sam in the eye initially. She was far too nervous.

"Sam, I…well, I'd like to give you the money…"

"Carls! I…err…Pucketts don't take charity…gah…Dammit, Shay! I can't."

"No…" Carly cooed at her. "What you can't do, Sam Puckett, is tell me No. This isn't charity, _Samantha_… This is _me_…" Carly took Sam's hand in hers and placed it on her heart. "…giving _you_ what I feel you deserve. It's a gift." She gave Sam the much-vaunted Carly Shay boo-boo lips. Sam's shoulders slumped slightly. Carly knew she had won. She leaned in, kissing Sam fully on the mouth. She was completely contented – Until she heard what came next.

Spencer had just watched them kiss. He had just seen this, Carly realized, for the very first time. As forward-thinking and open minded as their mother had raised her babies to be, there was still something to be said for seeing your little sister lock lips with another girl.

"Bwahggah! Could you… you know… _kinda not do that_? I mean… I don't really care, but… I mean… Get a room, would ya?"

Carly felt herself flush.

Spencer was such an idiot. He was such a lovable idiot. In his embarrassment, Carly loved him all the more.

"_Don't mind if we do…" _Carly thought. She gave Sam the look she knew would always work. She looked deep into Sam's beautiful blue eyes, raised one eyebrow, and let Sam's mind fill in the rest of the blanks.

Carly tossed the Seattle University course guide, the size of a small phonebook, onto her bed. It landed with a subdued _thunk_ inches from Sam.

"I really think you should get into the Culinary program there…"

Sam was already daydreaming. She didn't know if it was the thought of Carly or the Bolivian bacon, but something had her salivating. Carly's voice woke her. She stammered, still hoping to look cool. Epic Fail.

"Bacon?...er… I mean… What?"

Carly giggled.

"Only you would think of bacon at a time like this…"

Carly's better half was arguably the cutest thing in the world. This was precisely why she'd done what she'd done. Carly couldn't have borne the thought of Sam working some dead-end job while she, Sam's precious little Cupcake, got a top-flight education, a degree, and a solid job, seemingly without a care in the world.

It was so difficult. She had to be strong. She knew she could be. She had to be. Everything she ever was depended on it.

"Sam, what's the matter? You're like a billion miles away…"

Carly knew something was wrong. She was immediately on her feet, across the room, and on the bed, next to Sam, before it happened. Sam Puckett couldn't do it any longer. She couldn't be cut from granite. Those dark chocolate eyes – the windows to Carly Shay's soul – did her in every time.

She couldn't keep it in. Sam Puckett crashed headlong into Carly Shay and began to sob.


	17. iCome Apart At The Seams

**iCome Apart at the Seams**

Everything she knew was wrong. Why was her strapping, vibrant, rough-and-tumble, beautiful butch girl crying? There was no way more appropriate, she had learned, to get Sam to drop her defenses – learned over years of less-than-stellar parenting – than to get her to laugh.

"Oh, Beautiful Butch Bacon Girl…" Carly cooed, trying not to laugh, "Why _are _you crying?"

Sam laughed. _This_ was why she adored Carly. _This_ was why she knew was right. Carly was right about everything. Sam had convinced herself that this was only a _phase_; Carly would outgrow her and go on to a high-powered career with a house, fancy car, dog, two-point-five beautiful chocolate-eyed babies, and _some man_ sharing her bed. She sobbed. This time, it was out of joy – the joy that was Carly Shay. Sam loved her from the very depths of her soul, yet she cursed her, inside her head, all the same.

"_Goddamn you, Shay. Goddamn you for making me…feel."_

Now joined at the forehead, Sam pulled Carly close, more out of desperation than passion. She was weepy and stupid. She felt her entire face go slippery and loose. She was overcome. She heard music inside her head. They were the words she wished she could say.

"…_Anyway, the thing is…. What I really mean…"_

"…_Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen…"_

Sam flushed, both out of love and embarrassment, sobbing into Carly's chest. Carly still had no idea why, but she did everything she could. Sam Puckett didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve this pain.

"Sam… Sweetheart… Don't do that…" Carly's voice was soft and whispy, as though she were rocking a toddler off to sleep. She would be an excellent mother, she knew. She simply prayed she would be given the chance.

"Sweety, tell Carly what's wrong…"

It then became obvious to her what had happened. Sam Puckett had crumbled under the strain of being Sam Puckett.

"Sweety, what's the matter?" Carly begged.

Sam forced herself to speak. She choked, in between sobs. This was tearing her up inside.

"Why? Why did you… for me? I… I… I don't… I don't deserve you…"

Carly Shay planted three very forceful kisses directly onto Sam's lips, speaking after each to underscore her point.

"Yes! You! Do!"

She paused to let Sam speak but instead got nothing but the blinking of bleary blue eyes. Even tearful, distraught, and swollen, Carly loved her. She always would.

"Carls…" she squeaked, "please tell me I'm something more than some sort of weird trick… Please… Please, God, tell me that I'm wrong… that you didn't just do all of this for… I don't know why…"

Carly was stunned. Sam was a total double-threat – beautiful and smart – though she never gave herself enough credit. That was the only thing about Sam that was anything less than perfect. Sam was so _goddamned_ stubborn.

"Sam… Do you _really_ not get it? Do you _really_ not understand why I did what I did? What I did, Sam, I did because I am a spoiled, selfish little girl. This was all about my feelings, as much as it was about you…"

Sam didn't understand. She didn't understand at all.

"Carls?" Sam asked, her name holding the question her heart was trying to ask.

"I love you, Sam. I am _in love _with you. I have always been, and I will always be. I did what I did because I knew you were smart enough to get in. You could handle that, but you just needed a little help making ends meet. I couldn't stand the thought of you having to work _SO HARD_ for something you deserve... Besides, I am too selfish to let you go. We've spent the last ten years together… and now… knowing what we know… I have to have you. Telling me I couldn't see Sam Puckett everyday – that'd be like telling me not to breathe!"

Carly had just unburdened her soul of all that had twisted it up – strangled it – for the better part of a week. First, she had come out of the closet. Now, she had rid the closet of all its skeletons. The bones had jangled out, rough and offensive, into the light of day. It tore at the pit of Carly's stomach to tell her. It hurt to bring it all to bear, but only for a moment. One thing in the entire world would calm the ripples in her stomach. She needed to be forgiven. She never should have put her own selfish needs above those of her Ham Lover.

"Sam, I…" Carly began.

She didn't get the sentence out. Sam, finally composed, cut her off. She was her old self again.

"Carls? Shut up."

"But Sam…" Carly whined.

"Carls…" Sam mocked her. "I want you to be selfish… that's kind of the whole point. That's how this works, if you haven't realized it already. I will _always_ put you first. You are _always_ going to be my number one priority – that's just the way it is. I am so sorry. I feel so goddamn stupid. I just am used to, you know, I have… you know, an image to protect. Who would Sam Puckett be if not Seattle's resident roughneck, Carls?"

Carly cocked her head and crinkled up her nose, as if considering this. She laughed. It was the five million dollar question. Sam knew she was playing, but, as Carly knew, the Ham Lover had poor impulse control. She playfully shook her Cupcake by the shoulders.

"Dammit, Woman… What's so funny?"

She giggled again.

"You'd be _My Sam_… Don't you think, _Sweetheart_, that it's time to… I don't know… find a girl, settle down?" She flashed Sam a wanting, crooked smile. She just said everything in the world worth saying, without actually saying a word. Sam knew exactly what Carly was asking her.

She kissed the brunette full on the mouth, holding her tightly.

"Cupcake, I can't even begin to thank you… I can't ever…"

Carly kissed her back. She had heard enough. Carly leaned into her, demanding the final word on the matter.

"Just paying it forward, Mama. Deal with it."

She smiled, closed her eyes, and kissed Sam gently on the tip of her nose. Sam Puckett was a great many things. Carly knew that life with her could be maddening at times, but it was, without any doubt, the life that Carly wanted, more than anything in the world. She knew that they would get there. It would only take time, trust, and the occasional sleepless night. Tonight wouldn't be one of those. It was still early in the day. As they lay there together, Carly's mind flashed forward to everything she ever wanted. She knew if it was worth doing, it was only worth doing one way: with _Her Sam_.


	18. iHave A Dream

**iHave A Dream**

That night, as Sunday gave way to the early hours of Monday, Carly Shay slept. She slept the way she hadn't in ages. She shut her eyes and was able to stay asleep, dreaming sweetly of how wonderful her life with Sam would be. She was looking down on the world, as though she had the omnipresence of the Creator of All.

She saw a home she had never before laid eyes on, but which she knew, instinctively, must belong to her and Sam. The layout was similar to her own home, if only because it was a construct of her own subconscious mind. It was all she knew.

Much Older Sam was in the kitchen, cooking something that Carly knew could only smell and taste like Heaven. Then she noticed. Then she saw – the only thing that would ever rival the beauty of Sam Puckett. The little girl looked strikingly familiar. She was the spitting image of Carly herself at five years old. The little girl sat on the floor, between the sofa and the coffee table, viciously attacking a sheet of paper with bright crayons. A Boston terrier puppy slept not five feet away, on the far sofa cushion, curled into the most adorable fuzzy black-and-white lump. It was only a dream, she knew, but every fiber of Carly's being wanted to call out for joy. Deep inside her head, Carly heard the strangest sound. She suddenly felt this horrible pulling. She felt like someone had hooked her through the navel with fishing line and was pulling her ever backwards. She wasn't ready for it to end. Her heart longed for her to be able to stay. She wanted to stay forever, wandering in a haze of her own creation. She knew she couldn't.

"Good Morning, Cupcake…." Sam said lazily.

"Hey there, Mama…" Carly yawned.

She wanted to stay in bed with her forever. She didn't want to move. She wanted to lay here in Sam's arms – secure in her nakedness – warm and relaxed. If she had her way, the day would consist of a hot shower, late breakfast, and maybe some _Girly Cow._ She didn't want to get dressed. She didn't want to go to class. She didn't want to go through the machinations of her day, all until the bell rang and they could just be themselves again – just Carly and Sam.

She felt a familiar discomfort as Sam's index finger poked playfully between her ribs.

"Oww... Sam…" Carly's head lolled on her neck. She was in and out of sleep. She didn't want to fight it. She wanted it to win.

"C'mon, Carls… You know we can't…" Sam pushed Carly upright from behind. "Later, I promise, Carls…"

Reluctantly, Carly Shay forced herself from her safe, warm bed, which she had shared with the most beautiful blonde creature in existence. Her naked feet hit the floor and she plodded toward the bathroom, her bare hips swaying as she walked. Sam Puckett bit her lower lip. She bit it so hard she thought it would surely bleed. Whatever. It didn't matter. Carly was all that mattered.

Within minutes, a hot shower was running and she knew Carly was inside. Without a second thought, Sam followed her. If nothing else, she was doing a good thing, she convinced herself. She was being environmentally conscious.

"_Conserve water, shower with a friend..."_ Sam chuckled to herself.

It would be an ideal start to another Manic Monday.

_**SEVERAL HOURS LATER…**_

It was quiet, so far as Mondays were concerned, when Carly and Sam arrived home. Carly loved Sam more than anything, and as much as it pained her to do it, she knew that she had to keep her love in the dark for a little while longer. She had no malicious intent whatsoever. To the contrary, Carly was doing what she felt was in Sam's best interest. This was, to her way of thinking, about being _unselfish – _about putting Sam's needs before her own. Spencer was out with Socko again, scouring all corners of Seattle for God-Knows-What to be incorporated into his next sculpture. Having Spencer _'working'_ – such as it was – as much as he had been, was a blessing to the couple, in that they had the run of the house, but it also meant plenty of time left unsupervised.

Dumping their bags at the door, Sam headed directly for the kitchen. By the time Carly caught up with her, she was already digging in the fridge. Carly tugged on Sam's waist from behind, Sam's butt digging into her hip.

"'_uphake…" _Sam whined. She was already chewing. Carly pulled Sam close, spinning her around, so they were face-to-face. Carly pulled her into a kiss, tasting the salty goodness of Virginia ham on her lips. She smiled, laughter in her voice.

"I love you, my little Bacon Strip... I'll be back in just a few minutes… Think you can be good?" She spoke to Sam as though she were a child, tousling her blonde curls. Sam smirked. Carly gave her an exaggerated peck on the cheek and ran out of the kitchen, rounding the stairs to the second floor. Sam watched her sprint away, savoring each second.

"_Oh, the things that girl does to me… She is so evil…"_ Sam thought to herself, smiling the whole time.

Entering her bedroom, Carly shut the door behind her as quietly as she could. She completely expected that, by now, Sam had comfortably flounced down on the sofa, making herself at home. She only hoped that Sam hadn't run up another hundred dollars in pay-per-view charges. Carly grabbed her phone and searched her speed dial. She hit _SEND_.

The call connected on the second ring.

"Say Hey, Carly Shay! What's up?"

"Hey Mel, I… um… Can we talk?" Carly was losing her nerve. Melanie laughed.

"Aren't we? Seriously though, what's up?"

Carly started, and then paused.

"It's… well, it's about Sam…"

Immediately, Melanie Puckett – sweet, naïve Melanie – jumped to the absolutely wrong conclusion.

"What did she do this time and how much is bail?"

Carly laughed hysterically. That was, quite possibly, the funniest thing she had ever heard come out of Melanie's mouth, specifically because she believed it so sincerely.

"God, Melanie… No, I need a favor."

Carly went into explicit detail about the dozen and a half college acceptance letters now lining the bottom of her underwear drawer and why she needed to get rid of them. Would Melanie be willing to help her? She knew it was a somewhat creepy and bizarre request, and she didn't want Melanie to be uncomfortable with it.

"…So let me get this straight…." Melanie began. "You haven't been entirely honest with the woman you're in a relationship with – _who happens to be my twin sister_ – and you want me to help you keep your little secret, all to spare her feelings?" Melanie sounded harsh. Carly stammered, clearly shaken.

"…Uh… uh… yeah, I kinda guess so…" She sounded like she was about to cry. Melanie picked up on it immediately; doing everything she could to allay Carly's fears.

"Relax, Carls… It's sweet that you care so much about her feelings. Just tell me what you need."

The words died in her throat. Melanie had just called her _Carls_. Only Sam called her _Carls_. It threw her for a loop.

"Thanks, Mel… I owe you."

"Oh, shush! You do not… but I will take gift certificates to _Glitter Gloss_! Just kidding…"

Carly now loved both of the Puckett sisters. She loved Sam because she was the Yin to Carly's Yang. She loved Melanie because she brought balance to her volatile little world. She was the glue linking the Shay, Puckett, and Benson families together. It was because of her that everything was calm.

The girls said their goodbyes, Carly slinking back downstairs to be with Sam. They had an awful lot to talk about, but that would all come in time. Tonight, Carly had a wonderful story to tell her – a story about her Ham Lover, a tiny brunette girl, and the domestic tranquility that could come in time. She had seen it all.


	19. iHave No Other Choice

**iHave No Other Choice**

Carly waited until Sam went off to the market to call Melanie back. _Give Sam Puckett a grocery list and a little bit of money and you've bought yourself easily forty-five minutes_. Carly didn't feel a hundred percent about doing this, but she would do anything to spare Sam an ounce of pain. She knew that. She snatched her phone off the coffee table and dialed Mel's cell phone.

She picked up almost immediately.

"Hey Carly!"

"_Jesus, that was fast!" _Carly thought to herself.

"Hey Mel, Sam just left. How soon can you be over?"

"Oh… pretty quick…."

Carly sensed a smile in Melanie's voice. There was a knock at the door. She stood up.

"Hang on a sec…"

Carly got to the front door and turned the knob to reveal… Melanie Puckett.

"Told ya I'd be here quick!" She laughed and Carly ushered her in.

They crossed the living room and took the stairs up to Carly's room. Reflexively, she held her hand, forgetting for a split second that she was Melanie and not Sam. She dropped it immediately, as though she'd been burned.

"Mel, I'm sorry… I…"

"Mistook me for someone else… Carly, it's cool. We _are_ identical twins, and you've known me since we were… what, eight? Trust me, I won't _tell_… You don't need my permission to just be yourself."

Melanie flashed her a smile as they reached to top step.

Carly reached for the knob and turned. She was immediately embarrassed. She'd forgotten the results of sharing a bed with Sam night after night. Her bed still hadn't been made, and Sam's boxers were in plain view. Carly flushed magenta.

"Oh my God… Mel… I…"

"What? You think I don't know my sister's a slob?"

Melanie Puckett, ever the tactful young lady, gracefully sidestepped all evidence of Carly and Sam's burgeoning sex life. She loved them both, and it simply wasn't her place.

"_A lady simply doesn't comment on one's indiscretions"_ she thought.

Carly walked over to her dresser, cracking the middle drawer, rummaging to the bottom of the drawer. She did all she could not to open the drawer completely for fear that Melanie would see. Finally, Carly located what she was looking for. She withdrew a large stack of envelopes, rubber banded together several times over. She tossed the small package underhanded. It landed inches from Melanie's designer boots. Melanie bent down, retrieved the package, and shoved it deep in her oversized purse.

Carly carefully crossed the floor and was back alongside Melanie, close to the door, ready to make a hasty retreat.

"And you want me to do _what _with these, exactly?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. Carly swore the look was much more fitting of Sam. She considered her options a moment.

"I don't really care, to be honest, Mel. Burn the damn things, for all I care. I was never going to open them anyway. I just…" Carly stiffed, stifling tears before continuing. "I just had to be with Sam…"

Melanie was truly touched. She'd often thought, over the years, that the only people on the planet who knew the _real_ Sam Puckett were Carly Shay and herself. Her sister had more layers than an onion. On the outside, she was caustic, harsh, and mad at the world. The childhood Melanie was so fortunate to escape had seen to that. On the inside, however, Sam Puckett was a marshmallow. The two people in this world who loved her most were now trying to conceal the truth, solely to protect that inherent vulnerability. This was only the sort of decision you came to out of an insane mix of love and desperation.

"Carly, let me make a deal with you. These may be important to you someday… to you and Sam both. It would be a pity to destroy them out-of-hand. I give you my word that I will keep these safe for you and that my sister won't find out about them unless you choose to tell her. Is that fair?"

Carly nodded. Without another word spoken between them, they quietly filed out of the room and returned to the first floor.

The house was still quiet. Both girls made their way to the sofa and sat. Sat and talked. It wasn't that she and Sam didn't do these things, but with Melanie, Carly wasn't always on pins and needles. They were friends. That was it. That was all. There was a safety there that was fundamentally different than the safety Sam offered her. Sam offered Carly physical, emotional, and psychological safety from anything and everything. Melanie offered Carly _'The Same But Different'_. Where Sam was an inferno – a blaze that burned intensely and only for her, Melanie was subdued warmth, like a warm blanket. She was the confidant, the one without the psychic connection to her innermost thoughts.

"Mel," Carly paused. "What Sam and I are doing… do you think it's…" She stopped again. She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence. She didn't need to. The words leapt to Melanie's mind like a shot out of the darkness. They weren't even her words. What came to her were song lyrics. It was music her sister had played over and over and over again, all those years ago.

"…_Mothers, tell your children…"_

"…_Be quick, you must be strong…"_

"…_Life is full of wonder…"_

"…_Love is never wrong…"_

Carly Shay was speechless. She didn't know what to say. Melanie, for her part, could simply smile. They kept talking. It was nice to just have a random conversation – someone other than Sam to bounce things off of – particularly when Sam was so good at being evasive.

Then it all clicked into sharp focus. She had known it for years, of course, but, at the same time, she didn't truly _know_ it until she saw that look in Melanie's eyes. Long before Sam Puckett was hers – her strong one – her gallant protector – she had been Melanie's.

It was so obvious, yet so well hidden under the smile and the Sam-in-a-dress exterior. Carly and Melanie shared the same pain – and the same protector. She confronted the truth indirectly, with the only words she knew wouldn't cause Melanie pain.

" Step One is…"

Melanie finished the sentence without so much as an afterthought.

"…admitting we are powerless over addiction…"

There was the truth. Carly and the Puckett sisters shared the same internal nightmare. Steven Shay and Pam Puckett were both '_Friends of Bill', _the phrase used by those in treatment to identify that they had a problem. Both girls wanted to say something, but couldn't. The lock snapped in the door. In walked Sam, paper grocery sacks on each arm. Her words died upon seeing her sister.

"Cupcake, I'm ho—…. Oh, what the hell is _she_ doing here? Isn't it Take Pity on Freddie Day again?"

This was _'Come on in, I'm glad to see you…'_ in Sam-speak.

Melanie thought more quickly on her feet than did Carly.

"If you must know, Samantha… I was with Freddie. I decided to come over and pay you guys a little visit. Carly said you were out doing some shopping, so I thought _'what harm could it do, waiting around to see my favorite sister?'_…"

"I'm your only sister, Genius…"

"All the more to the point…"

Carly interjected. If she hadn't, this verbal jousting could go on for hours.

"…So… I asked Melanie to stay for dinner…"

Sam rolled her eyes, crossing the room, groceries in hand.

"Whatev…" she said in mock exasperation. "Fettuccini Alfredo."

Sam marched into the kitchen and began unpacking, leaving her sister and her love behind.

At that moment, unbeknownst to both of them, Carly and Melanie shared the same exact thought. For a moment in time, _they _were twins.

"_Oh, the things we do for those we love…"_


	20. iGraduate

**iGraduate**

Carly Shay couldn't sleep. The night before she, Sam, and Freddie were set to graduate from Ridgeway, and here she was – wide awake. The reason for her insomnia was close at hand – _oh, so agonizingly close_. Sam Puckett slept mere feet away, naked as the day she was born. Carly wanted nothing more in the entire world than to inject herself into that – a naked tangled mess of arms, legs, and hair. But what Sam's body could do to her own paled in comparison to the feeling this would give her. It was all predicated on Sam staying asleep.

Carly knew a long time ago that this had to be her gift. This was the only thing that made sense. Sam had given her so much, the least that Carly could do was give this to Sam. It would show her exactly everything that she had tried to tell her – so many times. Carly knew that she wasn't like Sam, despite how badly she wanted to be. Perhaps that was what she was attracted to in Sam in the very first place. While Carly was something of a caged bird, Sam was _free_… free on so many levels. Carly wanted that. She wanted not only to love Sam, but, to a certain extent, she wanted to _be_ Sam. There was only one thing in the world that could make this plain to Sam Puckett. She needed it to be crystal clear. She needed to leave Sam with absolutely, unequivocally no doubt whatsoever. There was only one thing in the world that could do this. Thank God that Carly Shay had possessed it for years.

She slipped out of bed silently, careful not to disrupt the blankets, for fear that Sam would miss her. Her heat. Her smell. Anything of Carly's that would cause Sam to wake, if she realized something had changed, even to an imperceptible degree. _Ten feet to go._ She crossed the room as quickly and quietly as she could. _Five feet to go. _She slid the drawer open and removed the package from where she had kept it all these years. She'd kept it in the very same place for years, and in all those years, had never acknowledged it to anyone – not her father, not Spencer, not Sam, No One. This was hers and hers alone. If you were in love, you were expected to give yourself over to the one you loved, utterly and completely, regardless of how naked and vulnerable they made you. That was what she was always told about love. Love was patient. Love was kind. Love was merciful. Carly knew better. Carly knew, of course, that love was one more thing as well, something nobody ever talked about – something that always went unsaid. Above all, Carly came to understand, love was to be absolute. Love meant exactly that. Love meant no apologies. She shut the drawer in the dark, clutching the precious cargo to her bare chest. She exhaled deeply. In the dark, she slid across the floor to her desk, pulled out her chair as far as she dared, and sat down, her naked body clinging to it.

Carly had set things out earlier that night, when Sam was in the shower. Her eyes now adjusted to the darkness, she was able to work unimpeded. She unfolded the gift box she had stashed between two binders, laying it open on the desk. The next part frustrated her. She meticulously lined the box with sheet after sheet of thin tissue paper – navy blue – praying that the rustling wouldn't wake her precious blonde. That behind her, she carefully picked up her precious gift, already wrapped, both to lessen the noise and for sentimental reasons, placing it inside the box.

"_Just a few more minutes…"_ she thought. She prayed she had the nerve to finish everything that needed doing and slip back to bed before her love realized she'd strayed. She had already written out the card – both the interior and the accompanying envelope – so she placed it next to her gift.

She closed the box, sealing it, as best she could, with tape. She hoped it didn't look a complete hot mess, though, if it did, Sam certainly wouldn't care.

She was tired. It had been one hell of a night. It was time now to get back to the blonde who loved her so completely and get some sleep. She had a very big day tomorrow.

Reaching the bed again, Carly slipped in as deftly as she'd left. Sam Puckett was none the wiser. Making sure her hands were appropriately warm, she snaked one around her partner's naked stomach, drawing her close.

"God, I love you, Samantha Puckett…" she whispered. She felt her eyes grow heavy as her head lolled onto Sam's naked shoulder. For the rest of the night, Carly Shay slept like a baby.

_**RIDGEWAY HIGH SCHOOL, THE NEXT AFTERNOON…**_

The commencement was half over. Carly scanned the crowd, certainly not expecting to see the man, but her stomach sank a little anyway. Steven Shay had snubbed his only daughter on the biggest day of her life to date. She, frankly, wasn't surprised. Representatives of the Shay, Benson, and Puckett families sat together, completely by design. The three students were inseparable since childhood. Why should this day be any different?

Spencer was there, of course. Marissa Benson. Melanie Puckett too. Spencer's good friend Socko even put in an appearance, crowding in next to Spencer. Air Force Colonel Roger Morgan, neutral as Switzerland today, occupied the seat at the end of the row, next to Melanie.

A series of names were read aloud, none of which meant anything.

"…_Samantha Ann Puckett…"_

At that moment, both Carly and Melanie shared a psychic connection.

"_Please God, let her not do her stupid Happy Dance…"_

They were both wrong. Mercifully, however, Sam had waited to get back to her seat before dancing in place.

It was only a matter of minutes before Carly Shay flushed as red as her cap and gown.

"…_Carlotta Taylor Shay…"_

She could hear her Uncle Roger cheering from his seat.

"_Better you than no one at all… I love you…"_ she thought. She could hear Spencer whooping away as well. Melanie Puckett outshone them all. For a girl who'd gone to a fancy boarding school and knew a thing or two about manners, everything had gone out the window. Carly blushed again, smiling broadly.

Carly felt absolutely blessed once Principal Franklin concluded his speech. He had honored Carly as Valedictorian, re-introduced the class, this time as the newest alumni, and called it a day.

As soon as they were separated from the rest of the group, Carly handed Sam a small box, tied with only the slightest amount of ribbon. She knew frilly and girly weren't exactly Sam's thing – at least not in public. She stood there with baited breath, anxiously awaiting Sam's reaction. Untying the ribbon, Sam opened the simple box. Tissue paper, blue, to match the ribbon.

Sam cast it aside.

Beneath the initial layer, Sam found a clunky-looking package, blue ribbon again tying it all together. Carly Shay was certainly trying to make things very difficult for her. Sam secretly loved every second.

She tugged at the ribbon and it fell away, releasing the plush outer wrapping of Carly's package. Sam pulled at it slightly, causing it to fall open. She was shocked. It was Carly's oldest, favorite, most worn, most slept in Cuttlefish t-shirt – purple with teal lettering. It too fell away, revealing the gift Carly had worked so hard to conceal: a worn, weathered, leather-bound book, measuring four-by-six.

It was then that Sam noticed a small envelope bearing her name. She opened it and read the card inside.

The lines Carly had chosen had been a tribute to her late mother. She had written down lyrics to a song that stuck in her head since childhood:

* * *

"…_The Answer lies within…"_

"…_Why not take a look now..."_

"…_Kick out the Devil's sin…"_

"…_Pick up a Good Book now…"_

* * *

Sam was intrigued. Carly's eyes brimmed with tears. Sam undid the catch and opened the book.

On the title page, where a faceplate would traditionally go, Carly had inscribed the book with a prayer. It was one she had learned well as a child, during her mother's illness. It had a new meaning today.

* * *

"_God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;_

_Courage to change the things I can;_

_And the wisdom to know the difference."_

* * *

Neither of the girls was overly religious. This was just Carly's way of letting her heart say what it must. Sam opened the book. It was Carly's secret journal. She had written the first entry the night of the Crazy Hat Party, celebrating the first episode of _iCarly_. Strangely, it was a letter. It was a letter addressed to Sam Puckett. It was a letter that Carly never intended for Sam Puckett to read.

_

* * *

_

Dear Sam,

_I've been thinking about you a lot lately, and I know it's because we're best friends. Best friends shouldn't have secrets, I know, and I have one. I wish I could tell you, but the words just never come out. This is the only way I know how._

_I wonder, do you have __any idea_ _how you make me feel whenever you call me 'Cupcake'? I know it probably doesn't mean anything at all to you, but to me, it's a huge deal. Whenever I hear you say that, I get this weird tight, tingly feeling in my chest. It's the most amazing feeling in the world. I wish you knew. I wish you knew a lot of things that I just can't seem to find the right way to tell you. _

_All I can tell you for sure is that you mean more to me than anybody – more than absolutely anybody._

_I might not know a lot of things, but I can tell you one thing. I don't want what we have to change – ever. You're the best thing in my life. I think I love you, Sam._

_Always your Cupcake,_

_Carls_

* * *

"Aww, Cupcake… Oh my God…" Sam was in tears now. Happy tears. She sheepishly pulled a small box from her pants pocket, fighting her graduation robe all the way. Flushing with embarrassment, she thrust it into Carly's fingers. Her hands shook, her nerves betraying her.

Carly opened the small box. Brushing aside bright crimson tissue paper, she found what she knew could only be a jewelry box. Lifting the lid, she found a gift beyond her wildest imagining. She must have spent a small fortune on it. Sam had given her a beautiful silver necklace, bearing a simple silver heart. Carly inspected it closely, her heart leaping to her throat. It was gorgeous, but something was wrong. She examined the inscription. There, in the center of the silver heart, in a flowing, flowery script, were three simple letters, but they certainly weren't her initials. She took another look.

It took her a moment to process everything. It was then that she realized the meaning. This was _absolutely_ intended for her and the statement behind it was beautiful. It could have only come from one person in the entire world. There was just one person who would put such thought into a gift, having it say everything they wished they themselves could.

_**CSP**__ – Carly Shay Puckett._

This was but the first step in the journey of the rest of her life. Carly knew that, in order to do it justice – to do it right – there was only one way in which it could be done: With _Her Sam_ at her side through it all.

###


End file.
